One Word 2011: Faith

When my #sagrow mentor, Niki Rudolph, asked the #sachat community to come up with a one word intention for 2011, I had to take a long pause and think about it.  The first word that popped into my mind was happiness, but as I thought about it, I knew that I was limiting myself and the potential this year could have for me.  As I browsed through other's #oneword2011 choices, I realized that this community was serious, thus I needed to seriously think about energy I wanted to put out in the universe.  Other words-joy, love, hope-floated through my mind, but none of them felt right.  I knew that when I found the word that I was meant to use, I would feel it within me.  Or, that the word was already within me and I just needed to get in touch with it.
Then, I received an email about a course I am taking this semester called, Of Love and Leadership.  Included in this email was a brief description of the goals of the course, plus a question, (which I have yet to answer), and some books to read to get a better understanding of Love.  I purchased one of the books right away and began reading.  I found myself really grasping the concept of love with a goal of finding it within myself.  So, I decided, it was the word love for me.  But...I know I have love and I'm confident that through this course, I will learn how to bring it forth to be constant each and every day.  That left me with nothing again.
I found myself thinking, 'what brought you this far?'  'what do you lack and struggle with on a daily basis?'  It clicked!  Faith.  I was never raised with religion, but I have found myself creating my beliefs based on different things I learned up until this point.  I met someone here, a mentor of sorts, who holds similar ideals and new ones, so I have created a bigger, stronger belief for myself.  There is a lot of faith involved, and a lot of stones.
I am taking an extra course this semester because it looks so intriguing and I feel I can learn a lot from it.  I know there will be a lot of work involved, but I have the faith that it will make a better person.  I have been going through this Visa process so I can get married in August, but I have to have the faith that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to.  Then, my partner will be here and our life is very much up in the air, but I have faith in the powers that be and in myself that we will be happy and will make our way with our life together.  Another semester will begin and I have faith that it will be spectacular, or at least exactly what I need.
And that is how the story goes.  There will be nothing that I cannot handle, even if it feels overwhelming.  My faith will be what gets me through it and makes each day what it is.  I'm content with, even happy, that my intention will manifest and grow in exactly the way it is meant to.
Happy 2011!

LEAD 550 and the Rest of My Life

I've been contemplating this blog post for several weeks now.  I'm still not quite sure I'll be able to properly capture my feelings and ideas in it, but I'm willing to give it a try.
If you had asked me upon exiting my first LEAD 550 class whether or not I thought I would learn much, I would have laughed in your face and said something like, "Probably not, but it's an introductory course so there can't be much to really learn."  Looking back, I'm not sure I could have been further from incorrect, but, in my defense, the class was unlike anything I could have ever anticipated.  The class took place in a lecture hall with about 90 students.  There were microphones so each session could be recorded and put online for reference.  The professor, Dr. Monroe, warned us that it would be an experience unlike any we've had prior, but that's hard to understand that since you've never experienced it.  And, honestly, it's hard to explain now to those who have never been a participant in the class.  The goal of the class, in its own ways, is to learn different aspects of leadership and authority and how people demonstrate those aspects.  Of course, that's just the beginning.  You really take an internal trip, too, which for me is more scary than learning about how to lead, but intertwines with it.
The format of the class, if you want to call it that, consists of Dr. Monroe getting in front of the class and asking us how we would like start.  Then, one student picks a topic that's on his/her mind and we run with it.  The goal is to learn the different aspects of leadership and authority.  I think of it sort of like a ship's crew.  You have certain leaders who are at the helm, controlling the direction and flow of conversation, then those who watch for bad weather and try to see it as early as possible, calling it out.  There are the few who 'walk the plank,' saying something so outlandish that no one is ready for and are 'assassinated' and never/rarely heard from again.  There are deck hands who go around cleaning up the mess, smoothing things over and  keeping some form of peace.  And then there's the rest of the crew, silent, but vital to the journey's success.  If that makes any sense to you, you're doing better than I was at four weeks in.  Gold star for you!
So, as I said earlier, the first class was mind-boggling to me, but I attempted to stay open-minded.  As the weeks dragged on, it felt like the conversation always reverted back to, 'what's the point?' and 'what's our goal?'  By the fifth week of class, I went from trying to thinking it was all one big joke.  During class I would slouch in my chair, joke with the people sitting around me and make thoughtless comments when speaking.  During small group sessions, (the second part of class), I had a 'checked-out' mindset, believing there was nothing beneficial coming from any section of class.  The large group conversations failed to hold my attention in that state and I just started hoping the end of the semester would arrive quickly.
I remember the class that changed my perspective.  I was sitting all the way at the top, goofing off with the students around me.  I was still in that state of mind and had no real purpose in that class other than attendance, in my opinion.  For her reasons, Dr. Monroe was more engaged in class dialog that day, having conversations with students, which was not her norm up until that point.  The topic for the evening was 'meaningful interventions' and suddenly I was engaged.  I had discovered, (but had always known), that I had trouble communicating messages.  It suddenly occurred to me that I could not clearly or effectively deliver my thoughts or feelings without dancing around the issue and then my point was lost on the receiving end.  I began to listen to the conversations Dr. Monroe was having with students about feeling activated and the different ways to make interventions useful and intentional.  Up until then, and pointed out kindly by my T.A., I was stuck in a style.  I decided to bring it up because I was feeling activated and I was also a little angry about that comment my T.A. left me.  He did not explain it any further, nor did I believe him, so I thought I would see what Dr. Monroe had to say on the issue.
I began my intervention by saying that I had received this comment on my homework assignment from the previous week.  Dr. Monroe acknowledged that she recognized this regarding me and my previous interventions.  After going back and forth a bit--Dr. Monroe, other students, myself and then Dr. Monroe again--we came to a point where I made a useless intervention.  Of course, it was not useless and Dr. Monroe used me as an example.  She said something like, "Instead of questioning and digging for an answer or an 'ah-ha', giving the specific example in my mind would be stronger."  I tried that out and suddenly I felt like I had a shiny new weapon in an arsenal of primitive equipment.  I realized that, although sometimes useful, my way of advising students and speaking to bosses or advisors seemed...ineffective.  This was going to change the way I was able to get things done.
After that class, I had a new plan and new intentions.  I was going to practice using my new weapon.  It took a lot of courage to open up and use personal examples to make these interventions, but I knew the benefits would be immense.  Once I learned how to intervene more effectively, another door opened: staying present and connecting with those things that pulled me away from the moment.  In the classroom, it became easier to stay in touch with what was happening around me and inside of me.  I was becoming more aware of the feeling of activation and quickly organizing my thoughts into useful interventions.  By the end of the semester, I felt comfortable with my practice arena and the progress I had made.  Even my T.A. commented on the differences he saw.  I felt accomplished, but ready to be done with 550.
(PS-there are huge chunks of information that I learned that I've left out to make this semi-readable.  There are other valuable and important lessons that came from this class, but it just does not all fit into a blog!)

Well, being done with 550 is a joke.  There is no done, as I quickly discovered.  In each and every conversation I have had since that class I have become so much more aware of how I present my interventions.  I found myself in situations where I was measuring and discovering people's tolerance and comfort levels for the anxiety I created.  I have been thinking through things I am going to say to make sure I am sending the right message and lesson.  I am more patient with the idea that people will NOT change their long held beliefs overnight just because I think I am saying something Earth-shattering.  I calculate the pros and cons of things so much quicker in my head--heck, I even think to calculate pros and cons before speaking.  I just cannot describe how different I feel and how successful I believe some of my more 'life-altering' conversations go.
LEAD 550 has changed my life.  I know that sounds cheesy and I know that some of my peers who took that class will read this and think, "she really did drink the kool-aid."  Well friends, I did.  And it was delicious and I intend to take it with me as I continue on my journey through life.  I see its importance and I appreciate how different I am; how much I have grown in four months.  I am told by others who have been working on it much longer than I that there is more to learn and deeper depths to explore.  I look forward to it.

World AIDS Day

World AIDS Day, December 1st, has always been something for which I enjoy programming.  I was thrilled this year when I was called and asked to be a partner in sponsoring for a World AIDS Day program.  We then partnered with several other student groups and what I imagined to be a small program, grew to something much bigger than I imagined.

Once I had an idea of how big we wanted the program to be, I started contacting companies who I knew were connected to the AIDS charities and community.  MAC, who has created the Viva Glam Campaign volunteered several of their consultants in order to provide make-overs for students.  We used their Viva Glam lipstick to 'kiss' students, (draw an AIDS ribbon on student's cheeks), and the student organization who kissed the most students was able to chose the local charity we'd be donating the proceeds of the events to.
After contacting MAC, I got in touch with Aldo.  After some back and forth discussion with them they were able to donate to us 100 This Is Not A Drill canvas bags.  We asked for a donation in any amount and then gave away the bags to those who contributed.
We also had a bake sale to raise money, which added to the donations we could give to a local charity.
As part of the event, we also had a human statistic demonstration.  In the United States, every nine and a half minutes a new person is diagnosed with HIV.  So, every nine and a half minutes a student walked into the dining area with a red shirt on and a red balloon tied to his/her wrist.  At the end of the two hours, 13 students walked into the dining area representing 13 newly diagnosed cases of HIV.  They stood on the stairs overlooking the dining hall and gave a speech about the statistic and what we can do to help change those numbers for the better.
I was proud to be a part of this successful event and feel as though we did make a difference on campus.  Educating students, especially on this campus, is tricky.  Getting their attention is a challenge; we have to fight over the iPods and cell phones and generally we lose, but I do believe we 'kissed' a number of students that day.  Raising awareness is the most important piece to changing the statistics.  We all have to start somewhere and I hope this event helped the USD campus.

Journals--Windows to the Soul

I used to be a writer.  Or so I say now.  I suppose in a way I've always been a writer.  I have a tendency to fall asleep at night by creating stories in my mind.  I also spend my time in the shower doing the same thing.  Come to think of it, the car, too.  I used to think that these stories would be something I could write down and someday sell in a bookstore.  Now, those ideas have taken a backseat to a career in student affairs.

Once upon a time, however, a few people did believe in my ability to write and enjoyed the stories I created and shared with them.  Over the years, I've been given plenty of journals by friends and family as gifts and I generally write a few things in them before giving up, stowing them in a pile in my closet, and waiting until i receive a new one or am too depressed to know what to do with my feelings.

Generally, that's all these journals are--outlets for me to express my sadness, confusion and teenage angst.  I'd quote some things on here, but I can't embarrass myself that much.  One of the journals contains several pages of poems that I now look back on and question what message I was trying to send.  The most unique one I own, however, was given to me by an old friend.  I know there's a lot of love in it; I can feel it every time I open it.  The friend who gave it to me spent spring break down in New Orleans, LA helping rebuild homes after Katrina devastated the area.  While she was there, she had this created for me.
The front reads in Spanish:

 Solo espero la noche para poder sonarte.

The back:

Jamie

 Lost moon in the deep dark blue eternal night and new life for the poet

These journals, now more a keepsake than anything else, were what helped me get through my years in high school, and a few even through my years of college.  This particular one has very little writing in it.  I once started a novel about four characters looking back on their lives and how they met and what brought them to be only three.  Each of these characters were based loosely on some friends I had in high school--one based on a friend who passed away from cancer a few years ago.

I remember the day I wrote the scene in my journal.  I was having such a terrible day, stressed with the relationship I was in that was failing, and decided to head to my favorite place to de-stress.

I'll share my secret with you all.  There's a road by my home in New Jersey and it's fun to drive, especially when blasting music in the car.  So, that's what I did on this particular day.  I drove to my favorite spot on the road and parked my car to walk down to the bridge over the water.  I remember it being autumn because the ground was a little cold to sit on, but I did it anyway.  I wrote for a while about the main character and her struggle to deal with her sadness, which helped me deal with mine.  And, I suppose, that's how it's always been for me.  When I'm sad I write or create stories in my head.

It's made me think about the students I advise, or will advise in the future.  Having an outlet--a safe, productive outlet--is important to being successful.  Taking a break, dealing with stress and growing are important at any point in life, but learning how to do that while in college will make the years go by smoother.  Students who don't connect with their feelings, be it through writing, music, exercising, etc. may make poor decisions and never truly understand who they are and what is happening inside of them emotionally.

I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to learn how to do this at a younger age and I hope to be able to guide my students towards the direction of their healthy outlets.

gLeek aLert

So, as it happens, last night I was catching up on Glee and something came up that screamed, "Blog about this topic!!!"  This leads me here...

The episode was fantastic, (music included below if you're up for some great tunes), with Gwyneth Paltrow as the substitute.  Now, I remember as a high school student, if we had a sub we wanted to give him/her a hard time.  I don't even know how subs adapt to that lifestyle, but good for them.  Of course, there were the subs you liked, and the subs who you didn't like; the subs who were fun, and the ones who made you do work.  But this really has nothing to do with my point...

The part of the episode that caught my attention was when Holly Holiday (Paltrow) was talking about how things have changed.  She asked the real teacher, Mr. Scheuster, what he did when his students did something he liked.  He said that he praised them in class.  Holiday said something like, "That's great.  I tweet about them and for those 30 seconds when they first see that, they feel like they're something special, which is all they want."

Now, I know we're talking about high school students, but really, what is a freshman student but a high school student plus 4 months?  This idea and concept isn't completely new to me.  I mean, I'm friends on Facebook with several students with whom I work and friends with even more of my supervisors, faculty members and professors.  I like it when I post a status and one of my superiors 'likes' it or even comments on it, especially when it comes to getting their specific assignment done.  I love it even more when my superiors just post random things on my wall, almost as a friend.  I imagine, if they had Twitter, I would appreciate the same responses.

With all this said, is our world changing and are we ready as the future and current educators?  First, is it appropriate for us, as grad students, to be friends with our superiors?  Do they know too much about us?  Do we know too much about them?  And what about the students we advise?  I work for the Center for Health and Wellness Promotion and I advise a group of students who are supposed to be healthy and make smart decisions.  So, what if I go out for a drink (or 2 or 3) with some friends and post about it on one of my social media outlets?  Am I not leading by example?  What if my direct supervisor sees it?  Do I want my professors knowing that I went for a drink instead of working on their paper, (and what happens when they receive it?  Will they judge how well it's done based on the fact that I spent a night or two avoiding it and they know it?  Would they look at it differently if they thought I spent 5 nights on it versus 3?)?

On the opposite hand, how do we stay connected to the students and our superiors if we don't have social media? I chat with my students on Facebook.  It allows me time to check in with them, especially when they can't stop in the office all the time.  I can also tell how they're doing by their statuses.  I've built up what I consider a more personal relationship with some of my professors and supervisors through Facebook connections and I enjoy knowing that they're human, too.  I can see their struggles just as much as they can see mine and I can provide words of support or humor if I want.  Personally, it doesn't make their influence on my life less of an impact, but more, and I hope that my peers feel the same way.  Twitter allows me to keep in touch with some of the other GAs.  Again, where do I draw the line?  I post some personal things on there and my intention isn't to make them think less of me, but it might do that.
So...will we, as educators, one day need to create personal and professional profiles, (some people might have those already.)?  We already create lists and divide friends, family and students up so they can only see what we want them to see, (personally, why have them on there at all if they can 'see' you?).  Will it become (or has it already) part of the documents that we sign when hired that we can't 'friend' students and colleagues on these social medias?  I suppose only time will tell, but it is clear that things are changing and we have to be careful how we use the things that connect us to each other so as to not blurry those boundaries that make us the educators.

Take a break from your busy day and watch these, then smile!! They're so fantastic.


Here are the two cool performances from the most recent Glee, and one from the week before that stole my heart:

This could be me...

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
David Sedaris
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

Sometimes, I feel like the days get a little too long and there's nothing there to brighten them up.  That's why I read David Sedaris' books.  It's real life with a funny twist.  Well, not my real life, but his real life and situations that most people go through at some point.  And what's life if you can't laugh at a situation or two from time to time?  Boring, that's what life is without laughter.
My secret ambition, behind wanting to work in student affairs, is to write a New York Times Best Seller.  I think it's possible if I could just dedicated more than 40 minutes a week to it.  But, of course, life gets in the way and those things that are funny and would make a great story are actually my life and they're not funny because I'm going through it moment by moment, which is why I read David Sedaris' memoirs, essays and whatever else he throws my way.  He sees situations the way I hope to see them: humorous.  You know, the idea that life won't end due to this one tiny complication and one day we will all look back at this and laugh?  Yeah, I dream of that outlook for some things.  I could live that glamorous author lifestyle, if only I could think of something to write about.  And if only I could find time to write it.  But, alas, something always comes up.
So, since I can't manage to sit down and write for more than 40 minutes a week (every other week), cheers to David Sedaris for making a living out it and making me laugh at the same time.    We could all use a pick-me-up from time to time!

To Author One's Life

I had the pleasure of attending Marcia Baxter Magolda's presentation on Thursday morning.  She really seems to know what she's talking about when it comes to student development and how it relates to student affairs and our journey as higher education professionals.
I know I won't do her justice as I attempt to put the pieces together, so I do apologize for that.  I found it interesting, and true, that what we expect from students is generally over their heads.  It seems as though we're asking them to process information at a level to which they have yet to develop.  This means to me that in classes we're asking students to think at an internal level when we have yet to teach them how to function (and break out of) within the system we create in higher education.  In other words, we've structured this faulty system in which students are required to function in order to get good grades, we don't ever once challenge their concepts of this system, but then we expect deep, meaningful work and thought processes from students.  Why should they do that for us if all they need to do is XYZ to obtain an A in class?  Crazy, right?
I find this applies to office in which I work.  Students, for the most part, come into the Center for Health and Wellness Promotion because the system tells them they have to.  Whether they're at high risk for alcohol and drug use, or just caught at a dorm party, there are certain steps they have to take in order to get back in good standings with USD.  So, in they come (those caught at a party), they sit through a class, and generally that's it.  But then we feel like we're not reaching the majority of students and, of course we're not!!  They just want to work the system!  They're not going to get an epiphany sitting in the required alcohol class!!  They're not there yet developmentally because we, as higher education professionals, have not provided them with learning partnership that will get them there.
So, I look back on my days as an undergrad and think, what opportunities were provided to me that enabled me to leave one stage of development and enter another (along Marcia's stages)?  Or, have I ever really left a stage?  I know that I still sometimes look at a class and wonder, "What do I have to do obtain an A?"  Reverting back to that thinking is easy, especially since I've been out of school for three years.  My undergrad professors never pushed me to the point of letting go of the system, but, as an English major, I found myself pushing the envelope intentionally in classes just because technically, if you have evidence to back it up, you can't be wrong.  So, if I have left that stage and moved to the intermediate stage at some point, what did that look like?  Ah yes, the part where nothing mattered because facts are manipulated and life is all up in the air.  I experienced this towards the end of my undergraduate career.  Not only were my thoughts lost, so were my actions.  I was...like a balloon floating towards the clouds.  If the wind blew me one way, that's the way I'd go.  I did manage to finish school with strong grades, but internally I was a disaster.  I showed this by gaining weight and doing things uncharacteristic of what I now consider to be myself.
I still feel like I'm in a struggle with the end of the intermediate stage and the advanced stage.  The advanced stage is all internal.  It's about creating one's own mind, thoughts and feelings regardless of the outside world and its' influences.  It's also about accepting other's opinions even if you disagree, but still keeping them in your life.  I feel that some of that I've dealt with better than others.  I'm not much for my internal, mushy mess, which is evident in the way I address my feelings.  I find myself explaining situations in which I'm hurt, sad, angry, happy, etc, but never going into what about those situation makes me feel a certain way.  It's a way for me to avoid how I really feel.  I'm working on finding those feelings and addressing them in LEAD 550.  I am pretty good at noticing others, but I fail to place myself within the emotional mix.  It's not something I'm completely comfortable with and is, perhaps, an adaptive challenge I've spent a decent time avoiding.
With all this said, I look at the few students who I advise and try to place them somewhere in the mix of the student development continuum.  They are certainly in a variety of places in their lives personally, which creates an interesting developmental pattern.  I hope to continue to learn about how I can help and influence them in the right ways to get them to become aware of who they and aid them towards finding their internal voice, or as Marcia calls it, authoring their own life, (and, who knows, maybe I'll be able to find mine, too!).