Body Image and Our Role

In the proper honor of #NEDAW11 (National Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2011), I felt a post about body image would be appropriate.  How many of you know someone who is struggle with disordered eating or an eating disorder?  You all better raise your hands!  You might not be aware of it, but there is someone in your life (especially if your life involves college students) struggling daily with a battle that is classified as an addiction.
Since starting my position at the Center for Health and Wellness Promotion, I have personally met with six students who are living with either an eating disorder or disordered eating.  What's the difference, you ask? Eating disorders are diagnosed as Anorexia Nervosa, Binge Eating Disorder (BED), Bulimia Nervosa, and Obesity and/or Overweight.  Disordered eating includes symptoms of any of these diseases, but not at such an extreme level.  Counting calories, over exercising, binging, skipping meals, etc are just some of the 'lesser' symptoms of someone struggling with disordered eating.  Basically, if what you're consuming (or not consuming) is a risk to your health, it's a problem.  Back to those six students I've encountered since being here-three of them have been hospitalized numerous times for their disorders.  Two of them show signs of disordered eating: stress causes them to eat more than they think they should, so they end up at the gym for several hours burning off those extra calories.  One student is battling her body image and losing.

While I think all of those disorders are super important to learn about, and that there are numerous and varied reasons why they began and grew in the first place, I believe they are the end result of a long struggle against an image of what is considered beautiful.  And that is where I write from today.

We, as Student Affairs Professionals, work with students on a daily basis: lots of students on some days.  And sometimes lots of other professionals.  We talk about the weather, the news, our departments, universities, etc.  We gossip about each other (don't even try to deny it!), celebrities, what's in and what's out.  The Oscar's are coming up and the Grammy's just passed.  The only way to be nominated for a 'best-dressed' award is to show some skin (and look good doing it).  Remember when Jennifer Hudson was...full figured?  Me neither.  But those incessant Jenny Craig commercial remind me that she must have been overweight once upon a time. How about Kelly Clarkson?  She was the small town girl trying to make it as a singer on the first American Idol (what number are they on now, by the way?)  The media is giving her a hard time because she's put weight on.  I think she looks good, but I might be alone on that. Or Carrie Underwood?  These are women who are supposed to be our idols and either they just keep losing weight, or they're under fire for putting some on.  Of course, I'm not against people losing weight for their health or because they want to feel more comfortable with themselves, but if the media continues to throw images of diet pills, Nutrisystem and cellulite cream in our faces, what are we expected to think?  'Umm....I'm fat.'  'I want to look like those people who have been dieting.'

That's a lot of unfair pressure to put on individuals.  And I know the focus is generally on women, but this affects men, too.  The media is unfair to them, as well.  Just walk into Abercrombie and Fitch and, male or female, you will feel insecure (and overdressed.).

This is where I believe Student Affairs Professionals can really make a difference.  We interact and meet with students constantly.  Our students look up to us to make a difference in their lives whether or not they know it.  Instead of, 'You look great today.'  we could say something positive about that student's personality.  We can also mirror this behavior with other staff members to encourage them to feel good about themselves.  We can denounce stereo-types about beauty by making sure all types of beauty are represented in our offices and waiting areas.  We can sit with students who are struggling and be that positive role model in multiple ways.  Instead of gossiping about who looks good or bad in what outfits, say kind things.  And this goes for you personally, too.  I know if I eat a few pieces of chocolate, I get down on myself.  It gets worse if I spend an entire day reading, watching television and playing on my computer.  I immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm fat and lazy.  Holding those images in my mind only encourage me to take that negative attitude into my work environment.  If I call myself fat for having eaten 'too much' around someone who might be physically larger than myself, how would he/she feel?  How would you feel?  How have you felt in that situation?

It's time to take body image to a positive and loving place where everyone can appreciate who they are.  As Lady Gaga says, 'I'm beautiful in my way cause God makes not mistakes.'

To change GA positions or not to change?

It's the time of year when the first year graduate assistants of the University of San Diego have to decide whether or not they want to stay in their current position for the following year.  This means (scary!!!) that we have to consider being a second year graduate assistant and what we have (or have not) gotten out of our roles up until this point.  This phenomenon will be studied next year by a great friend and colleague of mine, @StephLLynch for her action research project, and she's asked me to take notes of my experience so I can aid her in research when the time comes.
This is the beginning of my thoughts, feelings, ideas, etc.  I know that while I have gotten a lot out of my role at the Center for Health and Wellness Promotion, that I was not in my 'home.'  Health is important to me, but in this role I am missing out on a lot of Student Affair-sy things that are happening because my department is not as well connected.  I have been honest with my supervisor from the start so she was not surprised when I told her that I would be pursuing other options for my second year.  She, nicely enough, is encouraging me to look for a new experience, her advice being, "It's not often that you can change positions easily and the more experience you can get now, the better."  I think I am on that page, as well.
I decided to ask some other supervisors, peers and mentors their opinions on position changing to just make sure that I was making the best decision in an attempt to change.  Here is a mix of their responses to my question:

~It's better to get depth than breadth.
~It's better to get breadth than depth.
~I would prefer not to have train someone each year.
~In a selfish way I want my GA to stay, but I understand that it's better for the student to find that fit.  I know if I had a student who didn't fit well into the role, I would want him/her to have the option to switch.
~I think it's important to get the experience now and not to get 'pigeonholed' into one position.
~I encourage my students to seek out new options and experiences.
~In other GA roles it makes sense, but not for the GA role I oversee.
~Do what feels best for you.

As you can see, I received a variety of feedback, which left me feeling confused.  I know people all have preferences, but at least try to be united in your response as a staff of GA supervisors.  As a soon-to-be second year student, I feel unnerved that I might not get a position for which I apply because that supervisor would prefer a student who will stay with him/her for two years.  I am looking for certain experiences, but I might not receive them if an incoming first year, who has similar experiences and skills to me, interviews for the position I want simply because it will make it easier for the supervisor not to lose me next year.  I know that as a supervisor you do have to makes sacrifices by having GAs because that means you do not get trained staff for too long, but if you're going to have GAs, be fair to them.
Of course, with that said, I know there are several members of the supervisory team who would love to have a GA for just one year in order to share knowledge with them and give them experience.  I've met with several supervisors who encourage that behavior, too.  It is a challenge, however, to interview with someone who I know would prefer an incoming first year to me.
Those who are changing roles (two of the four in the first year cohort) are encouraged to chose up to as many as five role interests for next year, with the fifth one being your current position.  I am interviewing for three positions: Assistant Community Director, Women's Center, Grad/Law Life.    I have decided that I want to pursue Residence Life, at least for several years following my graduation.  This is in part because that is where the hiring is, especially for entry level positions, and also because you get the most experience in 'everything' working in Res Life, which will transfer to other positions later in my career.  Getting the ACD position would be a great stepping stone, though none of the positions would be a let-down.
Interview day for the incoming first years is March 7th, so I am expected to be done with my interviews by then.  The supervisors do not make a decision until the end of March and we are hoping to find out where we are placed by the beginning of April.  It's a long way away, which is a challenge because if I do not get the ACD position, I need to find a new apartment.  It would be nice to find out sooner so I can start moving before the craziness that ensues towards the end of a semester of graduate school.
These are just some of the worries that are on my mind currently.  I am excited about the prospective change, however.  I enjoy mixing things up and getting new experiences, so I hope to find that with this role change.  I'm also looking forward to meeting the potential new Student Affairs grads at the interview day in hopes that it can start a bond that will bring them to campus in August for training with a positive attitude and an excitement for what lies ahead.

What have you done today that requires a degree in SA?

This question has been on my mind since it was posed at the NASPA Drive-In held at Chapman University last Friday, the 11th.  I've been trying to make sure that each day I do something that is unique to the degree I'm pursuing in Student Affairs.  I want it to be worth it.  I'm spending my money and my time on tuition, at classes, doing homework and working with students, and it would be an unfortunate waste of my talent if I didn't do something each day that made my degree worth all of the work I am putting into it.
I began this semester with the goal of trying to be a better advisor.  Being new to the advising scene with little guidance from those who preceded me, I had no idea what to expect.  My current GA position is new to the Student Affairs cohort, so I spent last semester trying to get a feel for what the expectations were, which left my advising role on the back burner.  I'm now more comfortable with the expectations of my GA position and am enjoying the challenges that come with it, but I feel that my connection with students is limited.  So, I sent out a Doodle survey to my students to find out when they would be free for advising appointments.
I'm now only a week into my advising appointments, but I can feel a change.  A change in myself and a change in the way they communicate with me.  Through a colleague's action research project, I have a rubric to work with which helps me rank my student's levels of development and then track it as the semester continues.  Obviously, this benefits @nkajimoto's research, but it also helps me understand where my student's are at developmentally so I can be the best advisor possible, (with room for plenty of growth).
Besides these wonderful advising appointments where I am connecting with and learning about the students, I'm also trying to make the weekly group meetings more meaningful.  This week I focused on personal branding.  I feel like the discussion, (or what felt like a lecture from me), was lost on them.  They do not yet see the importance in making connections and networking.  I understand how difficult it must be, especially as freshmen and sophomores, to see the importance of the impressions and connections they make now and how they will affect the future, but I do hope the information with which I provided them will start to take root and grow over the next few years.  I know that, personally, I would have benefited a great deal from having some guidance in how to make positive and meaningful connections as an undergraduate student to members of the faculty and staff on my campus.
I was fortunate enough, however, to make a strong connection with my mentor, Mr. Art King, from my undergraduate alma mater, Towson University.  He wrote the recommendation letter that led to my acceptance at the University of San Diego, as well as spoke to my current supervisor about how I shine as an employee and student.  I also interviewed him for a project last semester and might do the same again this semester.  As I explained this to my students, I could see two of them shaking their heads and smirking.  Others were just staring off into the distance, disinterested.  Maybe I should have presented the material in a different format.  Maybe I felt like they were further along developmentally then they really were.  Yet, I remember wanting to plan for my future early on in my undergraduate career even though I was not really sure what my future would look like.  I knew graduate school was in the picture, and if not that, at least a job where I would need positive references and a strong foundation in something.  I took advantage of leadership opportunities, especially ones at which I knew 'important' people would attend.  I worked/volunteered for a few clubs and departments on campus, but became fully involved.  I do not feel a commitment like that from my students and am concerned about them, but also about my ability to lead.
Though this blog has strayed slightly from it's title, I do believe it is all connected.  As part of my attaining a degree in Higher Education Leadership, I attend classes that help me learn who I am and, by doing that, how I can help students.  I am fortunate enough to be a part of a great cohort of 5 who consistently support me and listen to me.  The faculty members with whom I work are amazing, talented and challenging.  They force me out of my comfort zone to find out things like how do love and leadership connect?  Or how does knowing myself help me to better understand my students and my line of work?  I work with students in an attempt to develop them and through that I, too, develop.  And that is how, everyday, I do things that require a degree in Student Affairs.

One Word 2011: Faith

When my #sagrow mentor, Niki Rudolph, asked the #sachat community to come up with a one word intention for 2011, I had to take a long pause and think about it.  The first word that popped into my mind was happiness, but as I thought about it, I knew that I was limiting myself and the potential this year could have for me.  As I browsed through other's #oneword2011 choices, I realized that this community was serious, thus I needed to seriously think about energy I wanted to put out in the universe.  Other words-joy, love, hope-floated through my mind, but none of them felt right.  I knew that when I found the word that I was meant to use, I would feel it within me.  Or, that the word was already within me and I just needed to get in touch with it.
Then, I received an email about a course I am taking this semester called, Of Love and Leadership.  Included in this email was a brief description of the goals of the course, plus a question, (which I have yet to answer), and some books to read to get a better understanding of Love.  I purchased one of the books right away and began reading.  I found myself really grasping the concept of love with a goal of finding it within myself.  So, I decided, it was the word love for me.  But...I know I have love and I'm confident that through this course, I will learn how to bring it forth to be constant each and every day.  That left me with nothing again.
I found myself thinking, 'what brought you this far?'  'what do you lack and struggle with on a daily basis?'  It clicked!  Faith.  I was never raised with religion, but I have found myself creating my beliefs based on different things I learned up until this point.  I met someone here, a mentor of sorts, who holds similar ideals and new ones, so I have created a bigger, stronger belief for myself.  There is a lot of faith involved, and a lot of stones.
I am taking an extra course this semester because it looks so intriguing and I feel I can learn a lot from it.  I know there will be a lot of work involved, but I have the faith that it will make a better person.  I have been going through this Visa process so I can get married in August, but I have to have the faith that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to.  Then, my partner will be here and our life is very much up in the air, but I have faith in the powers that be and in myself that we will be happy and will make our way with our life together.  Another semester will begin and I have faith that it will be spectacular, or at least exactly what I need.
And that is how the story goes.  There will be nothing that I cannot handle, even if it feels overwhelming.  My faith will be what gets me through it and makes each day what it is.  I'm content with, even happy, that my intention will manifest and grow in exactly the way it is meant to.
Happy 2011!

LEAD 550 and the Rest of My Life

I've been contemplating this blog post for several weeks now.  I'm still not quite sure I'll be able to properly capture my feelings and ideas in it, but I'm willing to give it a try.
If you had asked me upon exiting my first LEAD 550 class whether or not I thought I would learn much, I would have laughed in your face and said something like, "Probably not, but it's an introductory course so there can't be much to really learn."  Looking back, I'm not sure I could have been further from incorrect, but, in my defense, the class was unlike anything I could have ever anticipated.  The class took place in a lecture hall with about 90 students.  There were microphones so each session could be recorded and put online for reference.  The professor, Dr. Monroe, warned us that it would be an experience unlike any we've had prior, but that's hard to understand that since you've never experienced it.  And, honestly, it's hard to explain now to those who have never been a participant in the class.  The goal of the class, in its own ways, is to learn different aspects of leadership and authority and how people demonstrate those aspects.  Of course, that's just the beginning.  You really take an internal trip, too, which for me is more scary than learning about how to lead, but intertwines with it.
The format of the class, if you want to call it that, consists of Dr. Monroe getting in front of the class and asking us how we would like start.  Then, one student picks a topic that's on his/her mind and we run with it.  The goal is to learn the different aspects of leadership and authority.  I think of it sort of like a ship's crew.  You have certain leaders who are at the helm, controlling the direction and flow of conversation, then those who watch for bad weather and try to see it as early as possible, calling it out.  There are the few who 'walk the plank,' saying something so outlandish that no one is ready for and are 'assassinated' and never/rarely heard from again.  There are deck hands who go around cleaning up the mess, smoothing things over and  keeping some form of peace.  And then there's the rest of the crew, silent, but vital to the journey's success.  If that makes any sense to you, you're doing better than I was at four weeks in.  Gold star for you!
So, as I said earlier, the first class was mind-boggling to me, but I attempted to stay open-minded.  As the weeks dragged on, it felt like the conversation always reverted back to, 'what's the point?' and 'what's our goal?'  By the fifth week of class, I went from trying to thinking it was all one big joke.  During class I would slouch in my chair, joke with the people sitting around me and make thoughtless comments when speaking.  During small group sessions, (the second part of class), I had a 'checked-out' mindset, believing there was nothing beneficial coming from any section of class.  The large group conversations failed to hold my attention in that state and I just started hoping the end of the semester would arrive quickly.
I remember the class that changed my perspective.  I was sitting all the way at the top, goofing off with the students around me.  I was still in that state of mind and had no real purpose in that class other than attendance, in my opinion.  For her reasons, Dr. Monroe was more engaged in class dialog that day, having conversations with students, which was not her norm up until that point.  The topic for the evening was 'meaningful interventions' and suddenly I was engaged.  I had discovered, (but had always known), that I had trouble communicating messages.  It suddenly occurred to me that I could not clearly or effectively deliver my thoughts or feelings without dancing around the issue and then my point was lost on the receiving end.  I began to listen to the conversations Dr. Monroe was having with students about feeling activated and the different ways to make interventions useful and intentional.  Up until then, and pointed out kindly by my T.A., I was stuck in a style.  I decided to bring it up because I was feeling activated and I was also a little angry about that comment my T.A. left me.  He did not explain it any further, nor did I believe him, so I thought I would see what Dr. Monroe had to say on the issue.
I began my intervention by saying that I had received this comment on my homework assignment from the previous week.  Dr. Monroe acknowledged that she recognized this regarding me and my previous interventions.  After going back and forth a bit--Dr. Monroe, other students, myself and then Dr. Monroe again--we came to a point where I made a useless intervention.  Of course, it was not useless and Dr. Monroe used me as an example.  She said something like, "Instead of questioning and digging for an answer or an 'ah-ha', giving the specific example in my mind would be stronger."  I tried that out and suddenly I felt like I had a shiny new weapon in an arsenal of primitive equipment.  I realized that, although sometimes useful, my way of advising students and speaking to bosses or advisors seemed...ineffective.  This was going to change the way I was able to get things done.
After that class, I had a new plan and new intentions.  I was going to practice using my new weapon.  It took a lot of courage to open up and use personal examples to make these interventions, but I knew the benefits would be immense.  Once I learned how to intervene more effectively, another door opened: staying present and connecting with those things that pulled me away from the moment.  In the classroom, it became easier to stay in touch with what was happening around me and inside of me.  I was becoming more aware of the feeling of activation and quickly organizing my thoughts into useful interventions.  By the end of the semester, I felt comfortable with my practice arena and the progress I had made.  Even my T.A. commented on the differences he saw.  I felt accomplished, but ready to be done with 550.
(PS-there are huge chunks of information that I learned that I've left out to make this semi-readable.  There are other valuable and important lessons that came from this class, but it just does not all fit into a blog!)

Well, being done with 550 is a joke.  There is no done, as I quickly discovered.  In each and every conversation I have had since that class I have become so much more aware of how I present my interventions.  I found myself in situations where I was measuring and discovering people's tolerance and comfort levels for the anxiety I created.  I have been thinking through things I am going to say to make sure I am sending the right message and lesson.  I am more patient with the idea that people will NOT change their long held beliefs overnight just because I think I am saying something Earth-shattering.  I calculate the pros and cons of things so much quicker in my head--heck, I even think to calculate pros and cons before speaking.  I just cannot describe how different I feel and how successful I believe some of my more 'life-altering' conversations go.
LEAD 550 has changed my life.  I know that sounds cheesy and I know that some of my peers who took that class will read this and think, "she really did drink the kool-aid."  Well friends, I did.  And it was delicious and I intend to take it with me as I continue on my journey through life.  I see its importance and I appreciate how different I am; how much I have grown in four months.  I am told by others who have been working on it much longer than I that there is more to learn and deeper depths to explore.  I look forward to it.

World AIDS Day

World AIDS Day, December 1st, has always been something for which I enjoy programming.  I was thrilled this year when I was called and asked to be a partner in sponsoring for a World AIDS Day program.  We then partnered with several other student groups and what I imagined to be a small program, grew to something much bigger than I imagined.

Once I had an idea of how big we wanted the program to be, I started contacting companies who I knew were connected to the AIDS charities and community.  MAC, who has created the Viva Glam Campaign volunteered several of their consultants in order to provide make-overs for students.  We used their Viva Glam lipstick to 'kiss' students, (draw an AIDS ribbon on student's cheeks), and the student organization who kissed the most students was able to chose the local charity we'd be donating the proceeds of the events to.
After contacting MAC, I got in touch with Aldo.  After some back and forth discussion with them they were able to donate to us 100 This Is Not A Drill canvas bags.  We asked for a donation in any amount and then gave away the bags to those who contributed.
We also had a bake sale to raise money, which added to the donations we could give to a local charity.
As part of the event, we also had a human statistic demonstration.  In the United States, every nine and a half minutes a new person is diagnosed with HIV.  So, every nine and a half minutes a student walked into the dining area with a red shirt on and a red balloon tied to his/her wrist.  At the end of the two hours, 13 students walked into the dining area representing 13 newly diagnosed cases of HIV.  They stood on the stairs overlooking the dining hall and gave a speech about the statistic and what we can do to help change those numbers for the better.
I was proud to be a part of this successful event and feel as though we did make a difference on campus.  Educating students, especially on this campus, is tricky.  Getting their attention is a challenge; we have to fight over the iPods and cell phones and generally we lose, but I do believe we 'kissed' a number of students that day.  Raising awareness is the most important piece to changing the statistics.  We all have to start somewhere and I hope this event helped the USD campus.

Journals--Windows to the Soul

I used to be a writer.  Or so I say now.  I suppose in a way I've always been a writer.  I have a tendency to fall asleep at night by creating stories in my mind.  I also spend my time in the shower doing the same thing.  Come to think of it, the car, too.  I used to think that these stories would be something I could write down and someday sell in a bookstore.  Now, those ideas have taken a backseat to a career in student affairs.

Once upon a time, however, a few people did believe in my ability to write and enjoyed the stories I created and shared with them.  Over the years, I've been given plenty of journals by friends and family as gifts and I generally write a few things in them before giving up, stowing them in a pile in my closet, and waiting until i receive a new one or am too depressed to know what to do with my feelings.

Generally, that's all these journals are--outlets for me to express my sadness, confusion and teenage angst.  I'd quote some things on here, but I can't embarrass myself that much.  One of the journals contains several pages of poems that I now look back on and question what message I was trying to send.  The most unique one I own, however, was given to me by an old friend.  I know there's a lot of love in it; I can feel it every time I open it.  The friend who gave it to me spent spring break down in New Orleans, LA helping rebuild homes after Katrina devastated the area.  While she was there, she had this created for me.
The front reads in Spanish:

 Solo espero la noche para poder sonarte.

The back:

Jamie

 Lost moon in the deep dark blue eternal night and new life for the poet

These journals, now more a keepsake than anything else, were what helped me get through my years in high school, and a few even through my years of college.  This particular one has very little writing in it.  I once started a novel about four characters looking back on their lives and how they met and what brought them to be only three.  Each of these characters were based loosely on some friends I had in high school--one based on a friend who passed away from cancer a few years ago.

I remember the day I wrote the scene in my journal.  I was having such a terrible day, stressed with the relationship I was in that was failing, and decided to head to my favorite place to de-stress.

I'll share my secret with you all.  There's a road by my home in New Jersey and it's fun to drive, especially when blasting music in the car.  So, that's what I did on this particular day.  I drove to my favorite spot on the road and parked my car to walk down to the bridge over the water.  I remember it being autumn because the ground was a little cold to sit on, but I did it anyway.  I wrote for a while about the main character and her struggle to deal with her sadness, which helped me deal with mine.  And, I suppose, that's how it's always been for me.  When I'm sad I write or create stories in my head.

It's made me think about the students I advise, or will advise in the future.  Having an outlet--a safe, productive outlet--is important to being successful.  Taking a break, dealing with stress and growing are important at any point in life, but learning how to do that while in college will make the years go by smoother.  Students who don't connect with their feelings, be it through writing, music, exercising, etc. may make poor decisions and never truly understand who they are and what is happening inside of them emotionally.

I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to learn how to do this at a younger age and I hope to be able to guide my students towards the direction of their healthy outlets.