When my #sagrow mentor, Niki Rudolph, asked the #sachat community to come up with a one word intention for 2011, I had to take a long pause and think about it. The first word that popped into my mind was happiness, but as I thought about it, I knew that I was limiting myself and the potential this year could have for me. As I browsed through other's #oneword2011 choices, I realized that this community was serious, thus I needed to seriously think about energy I wanted to put out in the universe. Other words-joy, love, hope-floated through my mind, but none of them felt right. I knew that when I found the word that I was meant to use, I would feel it within me. Or, that the word was already within me and I just needed to get in touch with it.
Then, I received an email about a course I am taking this semester called, Of Love and Leadership. Included in this email was a brief description of the goals of the course, plus a question, (which I have yet to answer), and some books to read to get a better understanding of Love. I purchased one of the books right away and began reading. I found myself really grasping the concept of love with a goal of finding it within myself. So, I decided, it was the word love for me. But...I know I have love and I'm confident that through this course, I will learn how to bring it forth to be constant each and every day. That left me with nothing again.
I found myself thinking, 'what brought you this far?' 'what do you lack and struggle with on a daily basis?' It clicked! Faith. I was never raised with religion, but I have found myself creating my beliefs based on different things I learned up until this point. I met someone here, a mentor of sorts, who holds similar ideals and new ones, so I have created a bigger, stronger belief for myself. There is a lot of faith involved, and a lot of stones.
I am taking an extra course this semester because it looks so intriguing and I feel I can learn a lot from it. I know there will be a lot of work involved, but I have the faith that it will make a better person. I have been going through this Visa process so I can get married in August, but I have to have the faith that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to. Then, my partner will be here and our life is very much up in the air, but I have faith in the powers that be and in myself that we will be happy and will make our way with our life together. Another semester will begin and I have faith that it will be spectacular, or at least exactly what I need.
And that is how the story goes. There will be nothing that I cannot handle, even if it feels overwhelming. My faith will be what gets me through it and makes each day what it is. I'm content with, even happy, that my intention will manifest and grow in exactly the way it is meant to.
Happy 2011!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
LEAD 550 and the Rest of My Life
I've been contemplating this blog post for several weeks now. I'm still not quite sure I'll be able to properly capture my feelings and ideas in it, but I'm willing to give it a try.
If you had asked me upon exiting my first LEAD 550 class whether or not I thought I would learn much, I would have laughed in your face and said something like, "Probably not, but it's an introductory course so there can't be much to really learn." Looking back, I'm not sure I could have been further from incorrect, but, in my defense, the class was unlike anything I could have ever anticipated. The class took place in a lecture hall with about 90 students. There were microphones so each session could be recorded and put online for reference. The professor, Dr. Monroe, warned us that it would be an experience unlike any we've had prior, but that's hard to understand that since you've never experienced it. And, honestly, it's hard to explain now to those who have never been a participant in the class. The goal of the class, in its own ways, is to learn different aspects of leadership and authority and how people demonstrate those aspects. Of course, that's just the beginning. You really take an internal trip, too, which for me is more scary than learning about how to lead, but intertwines with it.
The format of the class, if you want to call it that, consists of Dr. Monroe getting in front of the class and asking us how we would like start. Then, one student picks a topic that's on his/her mind and we run with it. The goal is to learn the different aspects of leadership and authority. I think of it sort of like a ship's crew. You have certain leaders who are at the helm, controlling the direction and flow of conversation, then those who watch for bad weather and try to see it as early as possible, calling it out. There are the few who 'walk the plank,' saying something so outlandish that no one is ready for and are 'assassinated' and never/rarely heard from again. There are deck hands who go around cleaning up the mess, smoothing things over and keeping some form of peace. And then there's the rest of the crew, silent, but vital to the journey's success. If that makes any sense to you, you're doing better than I was at four weeks in. Gold star for you!
So, as I said earlier, the first class was mind-boggling to me, but I attempted to stay open-minded. As the weeks dragged on, it felt like the conversation always reverted back to, 'what's the point?' and 'what's our goal?' By the fifth week of class, I went from trying to thinking it was all one big joke. During class I would slouch in my chair, joke with the people sitting around me and make thoughtless comments when speaking. During small group sessions, (the second part of class), I had a 'checked-out' mindset, believing there was nothing beneficial coming from any section of class. The large group conversations failed to hold my attention in that state and I just started hoping the end of the semester would arrive quickly.
I remember the class that changed my perspective. I was sitting all the way at the top, goofing off with the students around me. I was still in that state of mind and had no real purpose in that class other than attendance, in my opinion. For her reasons, Dr. Monroe was more engaged in class dialog that day, having conversations with students, which was not her norm up until that point. The topic for the evening was 'meaningful interventions' and suddenly I was engaged. I had discovered, (but had always known), that I had trouble communicating messages. It suddenly occurred to me that I could not clearly or effectively deliver my thoughts or feelings without dancing around the issue and then my point was lost on the receiving end. I began to listen to the conversations Dr. Monroe was having with students about feeling activated and the different ways to make interventions useful and intentional. Up until then, and pointed out kindly by my T.A., I was stuck in a style. I decided to bring it up because I was feeling activated and I was also a little angry about that comment my T.A. left me. He did not explain it any further, nor did I believe him, so I thought I would see what Dr. Monroe had to say on the issue.
I began my intervention by saying that I had received this comment on my homework assignment from the previous week. Dr. Monroe acknowledged that she recognized this regarding me and my previous interventions. After going back and forth a bit--Dr. Monroe, other students, myself and then Dr. Monroe again--we came to a point where I made a useless intervention. Of course, it was not useless and Dr. Monroe used me as an example. She said something like, "Instead of questioning and digging for an answer or an 'ah-ha', giving the specific example in my mind would be stronger." I tried that out and suddenly I felt like I had a shiny new weapon in an arsenal of primitive equipment. I realized that, although sometimes useful, my way of advising students and speaking to bosses or advisors seemed...ineffective. This was going to change the way I was able to get things done.
After that class, I had a new plan and new intentions. I was going to practice using my new weapon. It took a lot of courage to open up and use personal examples to make these interventions, but I knew the benefits would be immense. Once I learned how to intervene more effectively, another door opened: staying present and connecting with those things that pulled me away from the moment. In the classroom, it became easier to stay in touch with what was happening around me and inside of me. I was becoming more aware of the feeling of activation and quickly organizing my thoughts into useful interventions. By the end of the semester, I felt comfortable with my practice arena and the progress I had made. Even my T.A. commented on the differences he saw. I felt accomplished, but ready to be done with 550.
(PS-there are huge chunks of information that I learned that I've left out to make this semi-readable. There are other valuable and important lessons that came from this class, but it just does not all fit into a blog!)
Well, being done with 550 is a joke. There is no done, as I quickly discovered. In each and every conversation I have had since that class I have become so much more aware of how I present my interventions. I found myself in situations where I was measuring and discovering people's tolerance and comfort levels for the anxiety I created. I have been thinking through things I am going to say to make sure I am sending the right message and lesson. I am more patient with the idea that people will NOT change their long held beliefs overnight just because I think I am saying something Earth-shattering. I calculate the pros and cons of things so much quicker in my head--heck, I even think to calculate pros and cons before speaking. I just cannot describe how different I feel and how successful I believe some of my more 'life-altering' conversations go.
LEAD 550 has changed my life. I know that sounds cheesy and I know that some of my peers who took that class will read this and think, "she really did drink the kool-aid." Well friends, I did. And it was delicious and I intend to take it with me as I continue on my journey through life. I see its importance and I appreciate how different I am; how much I have grown in four months. I am told by others who have been working on it much longer than I that there is more to learn and deeper depths to explore. I look forward to it.
If you had asked me upon exiting my first LEAD 550 class whether or not I thought I would learn much, I would have laughed in your face and said something like, "Probably not, but it's an introductory course so there can't be much to really learn." Looking back, I'm not sure I could have been further from incorrect, but, in my defense, the class was unlike anything I could have ever anticipated. The class took place in a lecture hall with about 90 students. There were microphones so each session could be recorded and put online for reference. The professor, Dr. Monroe, warned us that it would be an experience unlike any we've had prior, but that's hard to understand that since you've never experienced it. And, honestly, it's hard to explain now to those who have never been a participant in the class. The goal of the class, in its own ways, is to learn different aspects of leadership and authority and how people demonstrate those aspects. Of course, that's just the beginning. You really take an internal trip, too, which for me is more scary than learning about how to lead, but intertwines with it.
The format of the class, if you want to call it that, consists of Dr. Monroe getting in front of the class and asking us how we would like start. Then, one student picks a topic that's on his/her mind and we run with it. The goal is to learn the different aspects of leadership and authority. I think of it sort of like a ship's crew. You have certain leaders who are at the helm, controlling the direction and flow of conversation, then those who watch for bad weather and try to see it as early as possible, calling it out. There are the few who 'walk the plank,' saying something so outlandish that no one is ready for and are 'assassinated' and never/rarely heard from again. There are deck hands who go around cleaning up the mess, smoothing things over and keeping some form of peace. And then there's the rest of the crew, silent, but vital to the journey's success. If that makes any sense to you, you're doing better than I was at four weeks in. Gold star for you!
So, as I said earlier, the first class was mind-boggling to me, but I attempted to stay open-minded. As the weeks dragged on, it felt like the conversation always reverted back to, 'what's the point?' and 'what's our goal?' By the fifth week of class, I went from trying to thinking it was all one big joke. During class I would slouch in my chair, joke with the people sitting around me and make thoughtless comments when speaking. During small group sessions, (the second part of class), I had a 'checked-out' mindset, believing there was nothing beneficial coming from any section of class. The large group conversations failed to hold my attention in that state and I just started hoping the end of the semester would arrive quickly.
I remember the class that changed my perspective. I was sitting all the way at the top, goofing off with the students around me. I was still in that state of mind and had no real purpose in that class other than attendance, in my opinion. For her reasons, Dr. Monroe was more engaged in class dialog that day, having conversations with students, which was not her norm up until that point. The topic for the evening was 'meaningful interventions' and suddenly I was engaged. I had discovered, (but had always known), that I had trouble communicating messages. It suddenly occurred to me that I could not clearly or effectively deliver my thoughts or feelings without dancing around the issue and then my point was lost on the receiving end. I began to listen to the conversations Dr. Monroe was having with students about feeling activated and the different ways to make interventions useful and intentional. Up until then, and pointed out kindly by my T.A., I was stuck in a style. I decided to bring it up because I was feeling activated and I was also a little angry about that comment my T.A. left me. He did not explain it any further, nor did I believe him, so I thought I would see what Dr. Monroe had to say on the issue.
I began my intervention by saying that I had received this comment on my homework assignment from the previous week. Dr. Monroe acknowledged that she recognized this regarding me and my previous interventions. After going back and forth a bit--Dr. Monroe, other students, myself and then Dr. Monroe again--we came to a point where I made a useless intervention. Of course, it was not useless and Dr. Monroe used me as an example. She said something like, "Instead of questioning and digging for an answer or an 'ah-ha', giving the specific example in my mind would be stronger." I tried that out and suddenly I felt like I had a shiny new weapon in an arsenal of primitive equipment. I realized that, although sometimes useful, my way of advising students and speaking to bosses or advisors seemed...ineffective. This was going to change the way I was able to get things done.
After that class, I had a new plan and new intentions. I was going to practice using my new weapon. It took a lot of courage to open up and use personal examples to make these interventions, but I knew the benefits would be immense. Once I learned how to intervene more effectively, another door opened: staying present and connecting with those things that pulled me away from the moment. In the classroom, it became easier to stay in touch with what was happening around me and inside of me. I was becoming more aware of the feeling of activation and quickly organizing my thoughts into useful interventions. By the end of the semester, I felt comfortable with my practice arena and the progress I had made. Even my T.A. commented on the differences he saw. I felt accomplished, but ready to be done with 550.
(PS-there are huge chunks of information that I learned that I've left out to make this semi-readable. There are other valuable and important lessons that came from this class, but it just does not all fit into a blog!)
Well, being done with 550 is a joke. There is no done, as I quickly discovered. In each and every conversation I have had since that class I have become so much more aware of how I present my interventions. I found myself in situations where I was measuring and discovering people's tolerance and comfort levels for the anxiety I created. I have been thinking through things I am going to say to make sure I am sending the right message and lesson. I am more patient with the idea that people will NOT change their long held beliefs overnight just because I think I am saying something Earth-shattering. I calculate the pros and cons of things so much quicker in my head--heck, I even think to calculate pros and cons before speaking. I just cannot describe how different I feel and how successful I believe some of my more 'life-altering' conversations go.
LEAD 550 has changed my life. I know that sounds cheesy and I know that some of my peers who took that class will read this and think, "she really did drink the kool-aid." Well friends, I did. And it was delicious and I intend to take it with me as I continue on my journey through life. I see its importance and I appreciate how different I am; how much I have grown in four months. I am told by others who have been working on it much longer than I that there is more to learn and deeper depths to explore. I look forward to it.
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