Well, it's true! I no longer write on this blog, but have begun a new blog with Wordpress.com I would love for you to head over there and see what I'm up to!
http://jamiesara22.wordpress.com/
Thanks for reading :)
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, September 10, 2011
A Rose In Bloom: "I'm Not Ready"
A Rose In Bloom: "I'm Not Ready" A blog post on emergent #leadership, being an #sagrad, and this ever-changing world.
"I'm Not Ready"
I've been sitting with the idea that "I'm not ready" for the semester, for my role as a GA, to be a good friend, to be a good sister/daughter. I'm just not ready. I can feel that I'm not the only one, too. My peers were saying this exact thing as we began classes. "Jamie," they'd say, "I'm just not in class mode, yet." Or, "I just don't feel it anymore." And I'd agree.
My first opportunity to process this 'not ready' idea came in my Teaching Assistant course. We sat down an hour before the actual large class started to process things as TAs. The evening began in an unfamiliar way. The chairs we expected to have on loan to fill in for the larger class size were not there. The TAs had to scramble through the empty classrooms and 'borrow' chairs for our class. Then, the TA classroom we planned on using was being occupied by another class. So, we squeezed ourselves into the smaller conference room available to us, (from a nice professor who said we could use it even though he had booked it). There we were, free to talk about what we were holding for ourselves or for the group. I opened with, "I'm not ready."
This concept didn't get around the table too far before it was taken to a different place. Someone brought up the idea of 'readiness' looking differently now than it had in the past. The way we, as individuals, get ready for things isn't serving us anymore and we're starting to feel it. And, of course, it wouldn't be a leadership class if we didn't look at the bigger picture. It makes sense to say that what is happening within our small group is a microcosm for what is happening in this country. For example, the Northeast had never had to be ready at the level required to get through a hurricane; those in such a populated area of Texas were not ready for wildfires; and, though it happened later, those in Southern California, Mexico and Arizona were not prepared for a major blackout.
For me, this began a much larger thought process on readiness. Here I am, (and so we are), holding so desperately onto what has worked for me in the past, full well knowing it's not serving me anymore. This country, politically, socially, economically, is holding onto what used to work when it obviously isn't working anymore. Globally, we are experiencing uprisings because what has worked for those countries isn't serving them. And people are blindly saying that they're not ready for what is happening.
I am also taking a class called Organizational Theory and Leadership this semester. Though we've barely scratched the surface on what this truly feels like to practice, some things have already come up. We are focusing currently on Team Learning, an idea developed by Peter Senge. It's complicated, but at the same time so basic: in order for organizations to change, they must do it together! As a team. A team of people who suspend their assumptions, open up to dialogues and discussions, and begin to rethink things. Of course, suspension requires a lot of...trust and willingness, which is something many teams don't have. All of that being said, I truly believe this is the direction we, as a society, need to head in. The way we've been functioning isn't working...let's give something else a try.
My final piece on all of this is from a conversation I had with a friend the other day. We were chatting about how tired we both all. Even when we get sleep, we're still tired and not ready for the semester. We started talking about this exhaustion--about its texture. We came to this point when we realized just how different we are this year than we were last year. We've had an entire year in a leadership program that has taught us to see the world differently. We hold things that we normally wouldn't have noticed. We process things in ways we couldn't have imagined last year. We are different. And it can be exhausting. None of it is bad, and I don't believe either of us would change the path we're on; but, being aware of it has personally helped me cope with the exhaustion. It has also helped me let go of some things, knowing that I can't and shouldn't be holding it all.
Taking all of this 'big' stuff into my everyday life has changed it. I ended my engagement because I truly feel that the person I spend my life with has to be on this same field as me. Not everyone wants or needs that, but personally, it's something I feel I need. I even talk differently. I say things like, "I'll hold this for you" not referring to physical items; "I'm in this space today;" "My experience is...;" and so much more. I listen in a way I can't describe. I talk in a way that feels true. I have lost some friends in this process. People who have stayed in a place that I can't reach. But, I've made so many friends, too. And some of them aren't my friends, necessarily, they are 'thought partners.'
My purpose at work is changing, too. I still love and appreciate student affairs; but, I am looking for ways to bring these discussions to my office. I am searching for jobs that will incorporate and give me a space to process and discuss these things. I now know, for sure, that I want to teach, too. I want to use the practices I've seen my professors model to teach leadership in numerous capacities. I'd even go as far as to say that I would be interested in pursuing executive coaching. Some day...when I get more experience. I just know that I want to surround myself with people with whom I can have these discussions. I have not found, at least not yet, these discussions happening on the Student Affairs side of my university. It is, clearly, something we talk about in the Leadership Studies department, and is now a huge piece of my life.
I'm ready...
My first opportunity to process this 'not ready' idea came in my Teaching Assistant course. We sat down an hour before the actual large class started to process things as TAs. The evening began in an unfamiliar way. The chairs we expected to have on loan to fill in for the larger class size were not there. The TAs had to scramble through the empty classrooms and 'borrow' chairs for our class. Then, the TA classroom we planned on using was being occupied by another class. So, we squeezed ourselves into the smaller conference room available to us, (from a nice professor who said we could use it even though he had booked it). There we were, free to talk about what we were holding for ourselves or for the group. I opened with, "I'm not ready."
This concept didn't get around the table too far before it was taken to a different place. Someone brought up the idea of 'readiness' looking differently now than it had in the past. The way we, as individuals, get ready for things isn't serving us anymore and we're starting to feel it. And, of course, it wouldn't be a leadership class if we didn't look at the bigger picture. It makes sense to say that what is happening within our small group is a microcosm for what is happening in this country. For example, the Northeast had never had to be ready at the level required to get through a hurricane; those in such a populated area of Texas were not ready for wildfires; and, though it happened later, those in Southern California, Mexico and Arizona were not prepared for a major blackout.
For me, this began a much larger thought process on readiness. Here I am, (and so we are), holding so desperately onto what has worked for me in the past, full well knowing it's not serving me anymore. This country, politically, socially, economically, is holding onto what used to work when it obviously isn't working anymore. Globally, we are experiencing uprisings because what has worked for those countries isn't serving them. And people are blindly saying that they're not ready for what is happening.
I am also taking a class called Organizational Theory and Leadership this semester. Though we've barely scratched the surface on what this truly feels like to practice, some things have already come up. We are focusing currently on Team Learning, an idea developed by Peter Senge. It's complicated, but at the same time so basic: in order for organizations to change, they must do it together! As a team. A team of people who suspend their assumptions, open up to dialogues and discussions, and begin to rethink things. Of course, suspension requires a lot of...trust and willingness, which is something many teams don't have. All of that being said, I truly believe this is the direction we, as a society, need to head in. The way we've been functioning isn't working...let's give something else a try.
My final piece on all of this is from a conversation I had with a friend the other day. We were chatting about how tired we both all. Even when we get sleep, we're still tired and not ready for the semester. We started talking about this exhaustion--about its texture. We came to this point when we realized just how different we are this year than we were last year. We've had an entire year in a leadership program that has taught us to see the world differently. We hold things that we normally wouldn't have noticed. We process things in ways we couldn't have imagined last year. We are different. And it can be exhausting. None of it is bad, and I don't believe either of us would change the path we're on; but, being aware of it has personally helped me cope with the exhaustion. It has also helped me let go of some things, knowing that I can't and shouldn't be holding it all.
Taking all of this 'big' stuff into my everyday life has changed it. I ended my engagement because I truly feel that the person I spend my life with has to be on this same field as me. Not everyone wants or needs that, but personally, it's something I feel I need. I even talk differently. I say things like, "I'll hold this for you" not referring to physical items; "I'm in this space today;" "My experience is...;" and so much more. I listen in a way I can't describe. I talk in a way that feels true. I have lost some friends in this process. People who have stayed in a place that I can't reach. But, I've made so many friends, too. And some of them aren't my friends, necessarily, they are 'thought partners.'
My purpose at work is changing, too. I still love and appreciate student affairs; but, I am looking for ways to bring these discussions to my office. I am searching for jobs that will incorporate and give me a space to process and discuss these things. I now know, for sure, that I want to teach, too. I want to use the practices I've seen my professors model to teach leadership in numerous capacities. I'd even go as far as to say that I would be interested in pursuing executive coaching. Some day...when I get more experience. I just know that I want to surround myself with people with whom I can have these discussions. I have not found, at least not yet, these discussions happening on the Student Affairs side of my university. It is, clearly, something we talk about in the Leadership Studies department, and is now a huge piece of my life.
I'm ready...
Thursday, July 14, 2011
What Up New Graduate Assistantship?
Well, my summer has been super busy! I finished my first year of my Master's program with amazing grades and even more amazing friends. I kicked off the summer with a visit to the great state (it is, so hush) of New Jersey followed by a trip to visit my fiance in England. And before I knew it, it was July and I had to return to reality.
My reality has turned out to be pretty busy, too! I started my new assistantship, Graduate Student Life, just last week and have been in a state of constant spinning. At first, I was nervous! This made me feel silly because I'm at the same school, working under the same Student Affairs umbrella; but, as I was reminded, it may be the same place, yet I needed a new outlook and refreshed ideas in order to be successful.
How many times does this happen to us? We enter another year at the same institution, but we go in with old ideas and feelings that don't serve us? I was grateful for the reminder to begin fresh.
It didn't take long for anxiety to set in, though. By day two, I realized that the setup of the office wasn't entirely suitable for the success of the graduate student. The desk and computer, which belonged to the GA, was also the desk and computer of the work study students. I felt that I spent the entire previous year in my GA seminar classes talking about creating a space that made you feel connected, and here I was, trying to figure out how I was going to share my tiny space with a handful of other students. I was stressing about not having a computer accessible to me at all times. How was I going to get my work done? How was I going to create a schedule for the work study students that reflected the times I needed the computer...when I had no idea when I'd need the computer? Stress=no sleep.
Stress=I needed a plan.
There was not money in the budget for another computer and in order to get furniture, you need a year...ridiculousness! I sought out another supervisor and asked her what she thought might work. (Here's where networking and being super nice kicks in, pay attention!). She said she's seen a room full of computers the university isn't using and that if seek out the right person in Operations, I could be guided to an old desk or something. I called the IT office and spoke to the IT person I knew from my old position. I asked what the deal was with this mysterious room of computers and he told me they were just 'old' by the university standards, but were completely fine. So...they're free and a request was approved for me to get one! Then, I sought out the head of Operations for my building and was (not) surprised to find that I had been to an off campus event with her. We struck up a conversation and she said she'd be on the look-out for desks. A day later, I was hooked up with one!
Problem solved=stress level down.
Later my supervisor said to me, "Now I know if I give you an answer you don't want for something you think is important, you'll go about making it happen." While that might sound offensive, the tone of his voice actually seemed impressed. I made all of the arrangements and it cost our office nothing, but the space it creates is great. And, as far as equity goes, all of the GAs have desks and personal computers besides this office. Now, this office does.
Of course I know my limits. I know if I'm asking for something and my supervisor says no, that I have to let it go. The issue with this case was the budget, not that I wasn't allowed to make it happen.
As my summer ends, (summer ends the last week of July in higher ed, right?), I'm really looking forward to the many opportunities this position offers. I feel as though I do have a chance to do some great things here. I'm already planning a Professional Development Series for graduate students. The first one is about networking, (social included).
Let the year (the year starts in August in higher ed, right?) begin!
My reality has turned out to be pretty busy, too! I started my new assistantship, Graduate Student Life, just last week and have been in a state of constant spinning. At first, I was nervous! This made me feel silly because I'm at the same school, working under the same Student Affairs umbrella; but, as I was reminded, it may be the same place, yet I needed a new outlook and refreshed ideas in order to be successful.
How many times does this happen to us? We enter another year at the same institution, but we go in with old ideas and feelings that don't serve us? I was grateful for the reminder to begin fresh.
It didn't take long for anxiety to set in, though. By day two, I realized that the setup of the office wasn't entirely suitable for the success of the graduate student. The desk and computer, which belonged to the GA, was also the desk and computer of the work study students. I felt that I spent the entire previous year in my GA seminar classes talking about creating a space that made you feel connected, and here I was, trying to figure out how I was going to share my tiny space with a handful of other students. I was stressing about not having a computer accessible to me at all times. How was I going to get my work done? How was I going to create a schedule for the work study students that reflected the times I needed the computer...when I had no idea when I'd need the computer? Stress=no sleep.
Stress=I needed a plan.
There was not money in the budget for another computer and in order to get furniture, you need a year...ridiculousness! I sought out another supervisor and asked her what she thought might work. (Here's where networking and being super nice kicks in, pay attention!). She said she's seen a room full of computers the university isn't using and that if seek out the right person in Operations, I could be guided to an old desk or something. I called the IT office and spoke to the IT person I knew from my old position. I asked what the deal was with this mysterious room of computers and he told me they were just 'old' by the university standards, but were completely fine. So...they're free and a request was approved for me to get one! Then, I sought out the head of Operations for my building and was (not) surprised to find that I had been to an off campus event with her. We struck up a conversation and she said she'd be on the look-out for desks. A day later, I was hooked up with one!
Problem solved=stress level down.
Later my supervisor said to me, "Now I know if I give you an answer you don't want for something you think is important, you'll go about making it happen." While that might sound offensive, the tone of his voice actually seemed impressed. I made all of the arrangements and it cost our office nothing, but the space it creates is great. And, as far as equity goes, all of the GAs have desks and personal computers besides this office. Now, this office does.
Of course I know my limits. I know if I'm asking for something and my supervisor says no, that I have to let it go. The issue with this case was the budget, not that I wasn't allowed to make it happen.
As my summer ends, (summer ends the last week of July in higher ed, right?), I'm really looking forward to the many opportunities this position offers. I feel as though I do have a chance to do some great things here. I'm already planning a Professional Development Series for graduate students. The first one is about networking, (social included).
Let the year (the year starts in August in higher ed, right?) begin!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Phrases We Don't Use Enough
So, as my first year of graduate school and a graduate assistantship comes to an end, I reflect on the things I didn't say. And the things I didn't hear enough within my communities. It is so important to understand why we don't say these things; what is reflected by the unspoken thoughts and/or words. What pieces of our shadows are too proud/scared/unsure/powerful/shy/etc. to partner spoken words with conscious and unconscious thoughts. Being aware is the first step to making a change.
"No" This is a tricky one, especially as graduate students. We want to go out and be with our friends, while balancing a full class load, while doing work as graduate assistants. We want to sit on as many committees as possible to ensure we're getting enough experiences. We want to see our friends and relax. We want to do the best we can in our classes. At some point, the cup will overflow and then bad things start to happen. But, I know, saying 'no' sounds bad. Like we can't handle it and how will we ever handle this stuff full time? And if our supervisors think we can handle it, knowing what's on our plates, shouldn't we be able to take it on? Not always. Perhaps supervisors can take on a deeper knowledge of what's going on in our lives and know when to say 'no' for us? Some supervisors can do that, others tend to not notice. That's why it is important to be aware of your own stress level. It's okay to say 'no.'"Please" Sure, you're my supervisor and I kind of have to do what you ask of me, but adding the word 'please' encourages me to do it with a smile. It also allows us to know you appreciate our help. Even if it's copying papers or filing documents. As graduate students, perhaps we don't say that enough to each other or our supervisors, either. 'Can you read this over for me?' ....please. It subtly changes the tone of the sentence. You don't have to do this for me, but I'd appreciate it. And I appreciate the time you're taking out of your day to help me. Expecting us to do things is an unfair use of power. Asking us kindly to do them is a gift you can offer us. Which leads me to...
"Thank you" My mother always told me to mind my p's and....thank you's. Another simple one that gets overlooked all too often. It sets up the environment in which we all work. Even if I'm only grabbing you a coffee, say 'thank you.' It's nice to be recognized for doing something, even if we're expected to do it. It's a bookend (with 'please' being the other end) to an experience. And important in keeping things together and keeping people motivated. GAs also need to keep in mind how important it is to thank their supervisors. They do a lot for us. Answer a lot of questions. The same goes for peers. We are all in this together.
"I need help" This comes from all levels and areas. Sometimes something is overwhelming. Or you get sick and can't get to something. Or there's a student who is particularly difficult. Or you've taken on too much. Or a last minute assignment came up. There are a lot of 'or' situations here. No matter what your 'or' is, it's a good thing to ask for help. It will reduce your stress. Other people have really good advice and are generally more than willing to share it with you. You just have to ask. Creating a space where there's an attitude of "I've got your back" is really what can make or break an experience/office/community.
"Great job" I've come to find the lack of this exists in the 'real world' and it annoys me. That might be from having a personality that craves reassurance; but, I think many people can benefit from it. This goes with expectations. We're grad students thus, we should hand it great papers/projects and plan great events. Or mentor with ease. Sometimes, though, it's just nice to hear that other people are noticing your greatness. Some offices have awards given to graduate assistants who excel at a particular program. I've seen supervisors recognize their grads via social networking sites. All of those things are great! It just needs to become more consistent. I know it makes all of us smile! And we, as grad assistants, need to return the favor to those around us (supervisors/faculty/staff included) who are doing exceptional things!"I would like more responsibility" Though this is a little more personal, I have had some recent conversations that make me think I'm not alone. While it's great to have us making brochures and copying paperwork, there are times when we want more! Yeah, I'll sit on a committee, but I don't want to be a fly on the wall. I want to get involved in planning! And I don't mean the one who is making room reservations, but the one who is building the agenda or creating a presentation. We're not getting too much practical experience as the ones who take notes and then emails the rest of the committee. I did that as the secretary of my undergraduate club. While it's great to be present, sometimes it's necessary to expand presence to participation. As grad assistants, we often look to our supervisors for that nod of approval that it's okay for us to do more. If our confidence isn't built up, then we don't always make the first move. Both GAs and supervisors have to work on being more conscious of when more responsibility is needed and when the plate is full.
"Here's my idea" Crazy, but as GAs, we sometimes have really good ideas. And we know it. And we talk to each other about these great ideas, but we never communicate these ideas to those who can make them happen. Going back to the previous paragraph, we sometimes sit on committees and think we can totally do something better; yet, we know we're just grad assistants so no one will appreciate our thoughts. Where did this thinking come from? We are just grad assistants and our ideas are relevant. We're often living our ideas in the moment. A confidence boost or encouragement might call those ideas forward. A little belief in our capabilities and we could bring about change.These are just some of the phrases that represent larger issues that come from within. Within our systems (of oppression?) and within ourselves. With these thoughts come the need for change from all sides. From GAs and their experiences, from supervisors and their expectations, and from the Student Affairs world and its structure. The shadows that we all hold mold how we lead, when we speak up, if and how we ask for help. Examining how we work in the world is an important step to changing it.
Monday, May 16, 2011
What's Love Got To Do With It??
I have recently realized that when I look in the mirror, I no longer recognize myself. When I talk, I sometimes am not sure whose voice is coming out of my mouth. When I sit quietly, I'm unsure if the quiet in my mind belongs to me. Yet, I know this is who I am. Or am becoming.
I am sure I can't describe to you what my semester has been like. It's been busy, yes, but I feel like most of the work I've done is not busy work. It's all been meaningful. That's not something I'm used to. Work that has an actual purpose besides to be graded. Speaking of grades, I only have only received one this entire semester. That would normally stress me out considering how many papers I've handed in; but, I'm learning to just let it be.
So, where was I six months ago? Where am I now? I don't have an answer to either of those questions, I just know that if I tried to create answers, they'd be quite different. The one thing I distinctly notice is the quietness of my mind. I used to have thoughts constantly. I used to not be able to relax because of all of the noise. Recently, I realized that it's quiet in there. I can meditate pretty easily, which clears my mind even further. And, I sleep more regularly and better than I have in years.
What's changed? I spent a semester in the care of Dr. Zachary Green and Dr. Athena Perrakis. The created a space for me to change. Or to see that it was time to change. I think. Of Love and Leadership, an emergent course with no description, provided me with cherished time to reflect on my light and shadow. It was almost like therapy, but instead of just talking about my problems, (which has been all of my therapy experiences up until this point), I had to face my problems. Recognize them. Call them out for being overwhelming. And then realize they were never as big as they seemed. For the first time, I was not only acknowledging my shadow, but working with it.
Every single person in that class became integral to my success. They became the people who helped me take down my walls. And then let me take them down myself. I don't really know how it happened. I can't quite explain how an entire class went from apprehensive to loving in just a semester's time. I guess when you experience change as individuals of a group, you change as a group. Maybe. We learned to love. We learned to trust the process even when the process involved play-doh, markers, legos, dancing, music making, sand, candles, ceremonies, gemstones, and love offerings. I finished this class a much different person than I was when I started.
If this is confusing to you, which I'm sure it is, I'm not sorry. Nor will I go back and try to make it make sense. There is no way to make sense of it all. Maybe with some distance. I learned how to love. And how to lead. And how important they both are to success. And to happiness. I learned that society in general is far too apprehensive of the word love. For some reason when people hear it, they automatically assume that it must be romantic; yet, for those who are successful, they use all kinds of love everyday. I feel all those levels of love in my life all of the time now. I am more sensitive to it. I am more generous with it. I am grateful for it.
Most importantly, when it comes to the work I hope to do with my life in both academic and student affairs, I learned that people are not as loving as they could be. For some reason, I feel as though this community believes love is something you must earn, not just give out freely. Perhaps that exists in all facets of society; but, the work I tried to do on my final project for this class proved to me that student affairs is not a loving environment unless you're 'in.' Unless you're cool and sit with the cool kids. With that said, I have met some fantastically loving people who give love no matter what in these divisions. They give me the faith and hope that I am heading in the 'right' direction. I strive to always be one of those people.
As was said on our last night of class, people like us are not meant to be together. We are meant to go out into the world and share our love; we grow this love in others, then we all move on again. It's sad to think I won't always be with people who get this concept because it is easy to be with them; yet, I understand why we must all disperse and hold each other in our fields. I love you all. Deeply. Truly.
Here's what happens after a semester together:
Perhaps, then, I do recognize myself. My voice. My quiet mind. I feel fuller. Happier. Closer to the self I have wanted to be for many years. Again, I love you all. With all of my heart.
I am sure I can't describe to you what my semester has been like. It's been busy, yes, but I feel like most of the work I've done is not busy work. It's all been meaningful. That's not something I'm used to. Work that has an actual purpose besides to be graded. Speaking of grades, I only have only received one this entire semester. That would normally stress me out considering how many papers I've handed in; but, I'm learning to just let it be.
 |
| One of the many pictures that describes my shadow |
What's changed? I spent a semester in the care of Dr. Zachary Green and Dr. Athena Perrakis. The created a space for me to change. Or to see that it was time to change. I think. Of Love and Leadership, an emergent course with no description, provided me with cherished time to reflect on my light and shadow. It was almost like therapy, but instead of just talking about my problems, (which has been all of my therapy experiences up until this point), I had to face my problems. Recognize them. Call them out for being overwhelming. And then realize they were never as big as they seemed. For the first time, I was not only acknowledging my shadow, but working with it.
Every single person in that class became integral to my success. They became the people who helped me take down my walls. And then let me take them down myself. I don't really know how it happened. I can't quite explain how an entire class went from apprehensive to loving in just a semester's time. I guess when you experience change as individuals of a group, you change as a group. Maybe. We learned to love. We learned to trust the process even when the process involved play-doh, markers, legos, dancing, music making, sand, candles, ceremonies, gemstones, and love offerings. I finished this class a much different person than I was when I started.
 |
| Of Love and Leadership family |
Most importantly, when it comes to the work I hope to do with my life in both academic and student affairs, I learned that people are not as loving as they could be. For some reason, I feel as though this community believes love is something you must earn, not just give out freely. Perhaps that exists in all facets of society; but, the work I tried to do on my final project for this class proved to me that student affairs is not a loving environment unless you're 'in.' Unless you're cool and sit with the cool kids. With that said, I have met some fantastically loving people who give love no matter what in these divisions. They give me the faith and hope that I am heading in the 'right' direction. I strive to always be one of those people.
As was said on our last night of class, people like us are not meant to be together. We are meant to go out into the world and share our love; we grow this love in others, then we all move on again. It's sad to think I won't always be with people who get this concept because it is easy to be with them; yet, I understand why we must all disperse and hold each other in our fields. I love you all. Deeply. Truly.
Here's what happens after a semester together:
Perhaps, then, I do recognize myself. My voice. My quiet mind. I feel fuller. Happier. Closer to the self I have wanted to be for many years. Again, I love you all. With all of my heart.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Of Love and Leadership, the final project
So, I've been posting a lot on Twitter asking the #sachat community to help me with a project about love and leadership. I've been leaving it vague and broad and hoping that each person would make it their own, but the lack of response has alerted me that vague and broad is not what people are looking for!
Let me start by saying that my project is vague and broad, as has been everything for this class. It is a brand new class that focuses learning on what emerges. It's brilliant. And uncomfortable. I have a final project due that is 50% of my grade. The directions are simple: love and leadership. Yeah, that's not what I'm used to. But I had a dream about my final project and I feel that I'm heading in the right direction.
We've studied the AQAL model created by Ken Wilber and have been working on connecting it all to love and leadership. I made a love commitment to connections in higher education. A commitment to connecting to community members in student affairs, my peers in my program, and students on campus. My project takes quadrant one from the AQAL model, (my views on love and leadership), and then quadrant three on the model, (the views of the greater community of love and leadership), and tries to visually display it all. (I don't want to give away what I'm doing officially because I want you all to bring your creativity to it!)
Here's what I need from you. Please feel free to answer any and all of the questions I pose. Don't feel like you have to use just words. Pictures and drawings are encouraged. Quotes, poetry, theories, whatever! My project is what you all help make it!
-What is your personal definition of love? Leadership?
-How do you use love and leadership in your profession? With students and other professionals?
-What do you do to create connections? Do you think love and leadership play roles?
-Can love and leadership exist together or are they meant to be separate?
-What do you love? How do you make it manifest?
-How do you lead? Does it change depending on the role you're in?
Anything else that you want to add, feel free. Leave comments on here! Or, if you want to, find me on Twitter and DM for me for my email address. Thank you in advance for all of your help. I promise to post a picture of my final project when it gets there.
Let me start by saying that my project is vague and broad, as has been everything for this class. It is a brand new class that focuses learning on what emerges. It's brilliant. And uncomfortable. I have a final project due that is 50% of my grade. The directions are simple: love and leadership. Yeah, that's not what I'm used to. But I had a dream about my final project and I feel that I'm heading in the right direction.
We've studied the AQAL model created by Ken Wilber and have been working on connecting it all to love and leadership. I made a love commitment to connections in higher education. A commitment to connecting to community members in student affairs, my peers in my program, and students on campus. My project takes quadrant one from the AQAL model, (my views on love and leadership), and then quadrant three on the model, (the views of the greater community of love and leadership), and tries to visually display it all. (I don't want to give away what I'm doing officially because I want you all to bring your creativity to it!)
Here's what I need from you. Please feel free to answer any and all of the questions I pose. Don't feel like you have to use just words. Pictures and drawings are encouraged. Quotes, poetry, theories, whatever! My project is what you all help make it!
-What is your personal definition of love? Leadership?
-How do you use love and leadership in your profession? With students and other professionals?
-What do you do to create connections? Do you think love and leadership play roles?
-Can love and leadership exist together or are they meant to be separate?
-What do you love? How do you make it manifest?
-How do you lead? Does it change depending on the role you're in?
Anything else that you want to add, feel free. Leave comments on here! Or, if you want to, find me on Twitter and DM for me for my email address. Thank you in advance for all of your help. I promise to post a picture of my final project when it gets there.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Making Your First Year as an SA GA Work For You
As my first year of my graduate assistantship is coming to an end, I have thought of a few things that I wish I knew in August of last year.
Go with the flow.
Chances are really great that you'll have little to no idea what you're doing when you start your job and classes. You'll be asked to advise students, research things, sit on committees, take notes in a different way, think critically, etc and you'll feel incompetent. Don't worry! You're not alone. Just go with it and suddenly you'll see that it makes sense. You're not there to know everything right from the start, but you are there to take it all in and observe it. It will come to some quicker than others--just ask those people for advice if you're confused. Those people around you are going to be with your for your graduate career so make friends with them!
Make connections.
At first you might be intimidated by all the names and flow charts about who works for whom, but get familiar with it. You're going to want to build a network with those people. You'll need their help with programming, classes, financial aid, student issues, and advice for starters. The more people you know, the more they know you and your name gets around. Then, the time comes for a facilitator opening on a retreat and you get a phone call or email that sounds like, "So and so said you really like leading groups and working with these particular types of students. Plus, another so and and so said you were responsible and reliable. Would you be interested?" Score for you! You might then receive a phone call asking to present at a conference based on that experience. And suddenly you feel like you're making in the world of Student Affairs. And you are!
The same goes for professors. If you're at a small school like I am, you will really have the opportunity to get to know your professors because you'll have at least one of the same professors once a semester every semester, (if you're super lucky, you'll have him/her for two classes in one semester). If you're at a larger university, you're going to have really work at it, but it will pay off. Let's say you want the opportunity to TA just to see what it's like, but you're school doesn't offer that to SA students. Well, having a great connection with your professor might enable you to sit in on classes with him/her and help with assignment creation and grading. Or you need a chair for you thesis paper. Having a great connection to a professor or two will give you someone(s) to ask for help.
Get out there and get your name out there for GOOD things. You want those around you to know how great you and have confidence in your abilities. Making them proud will definitely pay off for your in the end.
Go out with your GA friends and don't talk about work, class, projects, or anything related to what you do while you're on campus.
This is one I still need to work on, but when we're able to manage it, I see the benefits. Sure, it's great to blow off some steam after a rough class or one-on-one session, but Taco Tuesday is way more fun when we talk about other things. If you're involved in a cohort like I am, your classes will all be the same, plus you'll all be working together in some capacity so it's easy to let work and class overflow into a night out. If you're disciplined enough to let those things go for more fun conversations, you'll actually get to relax! You fellow cohort members will become your friends in many capacities, but once you can bridge the gap between work and personal life, you will definitely get the full experience of a friendship.
Sometimes it's just nice to have a change of pace. *Try* to leave work and school on campus and enjoy being out without the stress.
Get involved.
I was worried my first semester that I would not be able to handle classes, work, and other activities. Then, by not getting involved, I felt that I was missing out on some pretty important opportunities. Sure, your schedule will fill a little and if you're a person who needs alone time to recharge, it's something you should really think about; but, you'll meet people and feel connected to your campus if you do some extracurricular activities. Even if this just means attending weekend or night events at your campus, you should do it.
Join clubs or volunteer to help set up conferences in your area. I'm volunteering on the NASPA Western Regional Conference committee which connects me to San Diego and other volunteers from local universities who are also pursuing Student Affairs. Plus, I'll be highly involved with things during the few days of the conference getting my name out there and making sure things run smoothly. If there are clubs or organizations that allow you to train groups of students, such as a Safe Space Training, get trained for it! Then help teach it, (if you're comfortable). You'll meet lots of people and work on your public speaking ability. Help out other departments by volunteering for events. It all leads back to networking and experiences. The position you're in right now might not provide you with all the experiences you want, so you'll have to seek the other ones out, and getting involved is a great way to do that.
Find someone you can vent with. Do it regularly, then go to meetings with a positive attitude.
Everyday is not going to be your best day. Personal life, work, and classes clash and sometimes shake things up in a negative way. That's okay. It's just important to remember that your mood effects other people's moods. So...find someone you can talk to about what's going on. Someone you trust and someone who cares about you. Then, you can talk to him/her on those crazy days, get your stress off of your shoulders, and go to that one-on-one with your student with a smile on your face. Being present is such an important lesson and one way to do that is simply to vent your issues. Of course, know that person is human, too, and probably has his/her own issues, so don't overwhelm him/her. If you need a therapist, do that for yourself. If you're having a rough day, find your venting buddy and go for it.
Time and place are important to keep in mind, too. I would be apprehensive to go on a rant in the middle of the dining hall at lunch time. There are a lot of ears in the area and you never know who is near by. A quiet office might be a better choice for that. Don't talk badly about people when you're walking through the halls. Again, you never know who can hear you. You've been warned...
Familiarize yourself with the millions of acronyms of Student Affairs.
Yeah...NASPA and ACPA are the beginning of it all. Do yourself a favor and look into all of the other acronyms that are used in the Student Affairs community.
While you study those, learn what acronyms and abbreviations your university uses regularly. You'll thank yourself when someone says, "I work for the CHWP in the UC and was wondering how I could partner with TPB for a program."
Your situation is what you make of it; do the best you can to make it good.
Again, not every day is going to be your best day; but, by creating a positive mindset for yourself, all of your days can be decent. Make your office, cubicle, or desk YOURS. Bring in a picture or two that makes you feel happy so you can look at it when you're having a tough moment. From there, it's so important to learn about yourself and your working styles. Not everyone works the same way you do and the sooner you understand that, the more successful you will be. This idea goes back to the going with the flow concept. Sometimes you can control a situation, sometimes you can't. When you can't, do your best to flow with it. You'll be less stressed and probably end up enjoying it more than you thought.
If you're that unhappy, talk to someone with experience. That person will guide you through the process the best he/she can. It will always be up to you to take his/her advice. You can be unhappy in your working situation, or you can make the most of it. I would recommend making the most of it.
You are more powerful than you think.
This is a new concept to me, but I'm liking it. You're a graduate student and you have some pull. Undergraduate students will look up to you and it's up to you to guide them in the right direction. Hey! You're a graduate student, so someone somewhere thought you could do it and you got into graduate school and through the interview process. You're here for a reason. Use what you're good at to further you along. Use what you struggle with to further you along, too. There's a lot to things you struggle with and learning to hone those skills will just make you a better person.
Your time in your program will change you. Be prepared. You will not be the same person when you enter as you are when you leave. I promise. Student Affairs programs are about reflection. You will learn many things about yourself that you never knew. And many things you tried to deny knowing.
Year two, (almost), here I come...
Go with the flow.
 |
| "When you move like a jellyfish Rhythm don't mean nothing You go with the flow You don't stop" Jack Johnson |
Make connections.
At first you might be intimidated by all the names and flow charts about who works for whom, but get familiar with it. You're going to want to build a network with those people. You'll need their help with programming, classes, financial aid, student issues, and advice for starters. The more people you know, the more they know you and your name gets around. Then, the time comes for a facilitator opening on a retreat and you get a phone call or email that sounds like, "So and so said you really like leading groups and working with these particular types of students. Plus, another so and and so said you were responsible and reliable. Would you be interested?" Score for you! You might then receive a phone call asking to present at a conference based on that experience. And suddenly you feel like you're making in the world of Student Affairs. And you are!
The same goes for professors. If you're at a small school like I am, you will really have the opportunity to get to know your professors because you'll have at least one of the same professors once a semester every semester, (if you're super lucky, you'll have him/her for two classes in one semester). If you're at a larger university, you're going to have really work at it, but it will pay off. Let's say you want the opportunity to TA just to see what it's like, but you're school doesn't offer that to SA students. Well, having a great connection with your professor might enable you to sit in on classes with him/her and help with assignment creation and grading. Or you need a chair for you thesis paper. Having a great connection to a professor or two will give you someone(s) to ask for help.
Get out there and get your name out there for GOOD things. You want those around you to know how great you and have confidence in your abilities. Making them proud will definitely pay off for your in the end.
Go out with your GA friends and don't talk about work, class, projects, or anything related to what you do while you're on campus.
This is one I still need to work on, but when we're able to manage it, I see the benefits. Sure, it's great to blow off some steam after a rough class or one-on-one session, but Taco Tuesday is way more fun when we talk about other things. If you're involved in a cohort like I am, your classes will all be the same, plus you'll all be working together in some capacity so it's easy to let work and class overflow into a night out. If you're disciplined enough to let those things go for more fun conversations, you'll actually get to relax! You fellow cohort members will become your friends in many capacities, but once you can bridge the gap between work and personal life, you will definitely get the full experience of a friendship.
Sometimes it's just nice to have a change of pace. *Try* to leave work and school on campus and enjoy being out without the stress.
Get involved.
I was worried my first semester that I would not be able to handle classes, work, and other activities. Then, by not getting involved, I felt that I was missing out on some pretty important opportunities. Sure, your schedule will fill a little and if you're a person who needs alone time to recharge, it's something you should really think about; but, you'll meet people and feel connected to your campus if you do some extracurricular activities. Even if this just means attending weekend or night events at your campus, you should do it.
Join clubs or volunteer to help set up conferences in your area. I'm volunteering on the NASPA Western Regional Conference committee which connects me to San Diego and other volunteers from local universities who are also pursuing Student Affairs. Plus, I'll be highly involved with things during the few days of the conference getting my name out there and making sure things run smoothly. If there are clubs or organizations that allow you to train groups of students, such as a Safe Space Training, get trained for it! Then help teach it, (if you're comfortable). You'll meet lots of people and work on your public speaking ability. Help out other departments by volunteering for events. It all leads back to networking and experiences. The position you're in right now might not provide you with all the experiences you want, so you'll have to seek the other ones out, and getting involved is a great way to do that.Find someone you can vent with. Do it regularly, then go to meetings with a positive attitude.
Everyday is not going to be your best day. Personal life, work, and classes clash and sometimes shake things up in a negative way. That's okay. It's just important to remember that your mood effects other people's moods. So...find someone you can talk to about what's going on. Someone you trust and someone who cares about you. Then, you can talk to him/her on those crazy days, get your stress off of your shoulders, and go to that one-on-one with your student with a smile on your face. Being present is such an important lesson and one way to do that is simply to vent your issues. Of course, know that person is human, too, and probably has his/her own issues, so don't overwhelm him/her. If you need a therapist, do that for yourself. If you're having a rough day, find your venting buddy and go for it.
Time and place are important to keep in mind, too. I would be apprehensive to go on a rant in the middle of the dining hall at lunch time. There are a lot of ears in the area and you never know who is near by. A quiet office might be a better choice for that. Don't talk badly about people when you're walking through the halls. Again, you never know who can hear you. You've been warned...
Familiarize yourself with the millions of acronyms of Student Affairs.
Yeah...NASPA and ACPA are the beginning of it all. Do yourself a favor and look into all of the other acronyms that are used in the Student Affairs community.While you study those, learn what acronyms and abbreviations your university uses regularly. You'll thank yourself when someone says, "I work for the CHWP in the UC and was wondering how I could partner with TPB for a program."
Your situation is what you make of it; do the best you can to make it good.
Again, not every day is going to be your best day; but, by creating a positive mindset for yourself, all of your days can be decent. Make your office, cubicle, or desk YOURS. Bring in a picture or two that makes you feel happy so you can look at it when you're having a tough moment. From there, it's so important to learn about yourself and your working styles. Not everyone works the same way you do and the sooner you understand that, the more successful you will be. This idea goes back to the going with the flow concept. Sometimes you can control a situation, sometimes you can't. When you can't, do your best to flow with it. You'll be less stressed and probably end up enjoying it more than you thought.
If you're that unhappy, talk to someone with experience. That person will guide you through the process the best he/she can. It will always be up to you to take his/her advice. You can be unhappy in your working situation, or you can make the most of it. I would recommend making the most of it.
You are more powerful than you think.
This is a new concept to me, but I'm liking it. You're a graduate student and you have some pull. Undergraduate students will look up to you and it's up to you to guide them in the right direction. Hey! You're a graduate student, so someone somewhere thought you could do it and you got into graduate school and through the interview process. You're here for a reason. Use what you're good at to further you along. Use what you struggle with to further you along, too. There's a lot to things you struggle with and learning to hone those skills will just make you a better person.Your time in your program will change you. Be prepared. You will not be the same person when you enter as you are when you leave. I promise. Student Affairs programs are about reflection. You will learn many things about yourself that you never knew. And many things you tried to deny knowing.
Year two, (almost), here I come...
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
That's One 'i' Personality!
I have been asked the question, "What matters to you and why?" a lot lately in some form or another. And from that I have had to create promises and commitments involving this love for things that matter to me. Thus, I have spent a great deal of time holding that question in my space. I have come up with the answer that connections matter to me and from that I created two unique projects. One from which I'll need the help of the #sachat community and one which is a smaller research project within my own community. From these bigger ideas I have created a few smaller ones, (happens the other way around usually, I know).
As part of the requirement of my Student Affairs cohort this semester we were each asked to take an hour of the seminar and present about what matters to us. (Connection, if you forgot). Through a series of great connections, I was able to get my hands of 5 copies of the DiSC Personality Test. Awesome! I took this test when I was a sophomore in college and on the Leadershape retreat and was curious to see if anything had changed over the 5 years since I last took it.
What else did I learn about myself? Well, I am self-promoting, in case you couldn't tell yet, (I have the Promoter Pattern). Besides that, I also discovered (already knew) that my goal is to get approval and to be popular amongst those I know. Another shocking discovery is that I judge others by their verbal skills. Again, this is not surprising to me as Facebook statuses that have 'your' and you're' wrong in them drive me crazy. I overuse praise and optimism, but also am influenced by them. I like to interact with others even if I am not that interested in the task, and generally don't go into group tasks with the goal of accomplishing them. I tend to overestimate people (check mark in that box!). I thrive on meetings, committees, and conferences. (check!).
Diligently we all used paper clips to mark the preferences that would determine our leadership personalities. If you are not familiar, here's a quick summary:
Dominance- emphasis on shaping the environment by overcoming opposition to accomplish results.
influence-emphasis is on shaping the environment by influencing or persuading others.
Steadiness-emphasis on cooperating with other within existing circumstances to carry out the task.
Conscientiousness-emphasis is on working conscientiously within existing circumstance to ensure quality and accuracy.
Here's a longer description.
5 years ago I was a D with a close C. Let me just tell you, 5 years can change a person immensely. I am now a high i and D is my lowest.
So what does that mean for me? For starters, I am good at persuading people. AND, surprise, it means I like connecting to others and am good at it!! That makes sense. Other things include that I am articulate, motivating, enthusiastic, optimistic, and I like participating in groups. My ideal work environment involves social recognition, freedom of expression, counseling, and opportunities to verbalize ideas. That could explain why I am struggling to grow in my current work environment!
Some of the areas in which I need balance include time management, working with 'things' instead of people, follow-through, decision making, realistic expectations of others, prioritizing, and being more firm.
What else did I learn about myself? Well, I am self-promoting, in case you couldn't tell yet, (I have the Promoter Pattern). Besides that, I also discovered (already knew) that my goal is to get approval and to be popular amongst those I know. Another shocking discovery is that I judge others by their verbal skills. Again, this is not surprising to me as Facebook statuses that have 'your' and you're' wrong in them drive me crazy. I overuse praise and optimism, but also am influenced by them. I like to interact with others even if I am not that interested in the task, and generally don't go into group tasks with the goal of accomplishing them. I tend to overestimate people (check mark in that box!). I thrive on meetings, committees, and conferences. (check!).Yet, knowing all this about myself and how much I love group work, it's interesting to note that I hate groups. For example, if a friend invites me out with a group of her friends, I end up not being able to go because the side of me that wants to impress people gets too scared of what they'll think of me. So, I end up staying home and avoiding scenes like that.
Student Affairs applications? In our cohort of 4, each one of us had a different letter as our highest. Yay! That means we can all help each other where we struggle. And...in a way we all sort of complete each other. Cheesy, I know. But knowing that about each other really gives us the opportunity to learn from each other. It also makes us all aware of how we are when we work with others. This allows us to change our approach if we need to, depending on the student or staff member with whom we're working.
This applies to how I learn best and with whom I am most comfortable. Ideally, I need certain people-oriented traits in my work environment. The same goes for the classroom. That might be why I had a panic attack when there were no due dates on two of my syllabi this year. No due dates mean my time management is out of the window!
Do yourself a favor and take a few personality tests to learn more about who you are. And, in a few years, take them again! People change. We have experiences and grow from them, thus changing how we approach things. In order to be good for our students, we must know how we lead.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Challenge of Certain Communities
It's been a struggle lately to find myself a community in which I feel at home. It's especially discouraging since my main community is within the Student Affairs realm, and Student Affairs is about creating community. As part of an exercise within my SA cohort, we were asked to choose a community we're a part of and describe it. I chose my office at the Center for Health and Wellness Promotion.
I have found myself quite challenged in that environment when it comes to community. There is a clear line dividing the clinical half of the office from the 'other' side, where I work. Often their doors are shut because they have students in their offices, or they are at meetings. We all work in offices, except the student employees and our office manager, but if we're all in our offices we don't see each other. It is sort of like working alone. Which is challenging because I live alone, so there is not a lot of interaction during the day.
The other challenge I find is that most students who come into the office don't really want to be there; they were written up for drinking in the dorms or have worse problems and need to see a counselor. So, I can't just walk out of my office and say hi to these students because of confidentiality reasons. This leaves me waiting for meetings with the group I advise or hoping they'll remember their one on one appointments.
I've always imagined a community as fun, changing and diverse. I know diversity differs in several ways, but we are an office of all white females. And, yes, sometimes there is music playing in the office, but that doesn't always make it fun.
For all of this, however, I have grown to learn that community looks differently in different places. There is some sort of community in the office, even if it's not one in which I feel like myself. I have decorated my office to make it feel mine, but I'm not a quiet person. I like being able to see people and interact. If I have learned anything, it is to be inquisitive with my next job about what community feels like in the office. I will look around to see if there are desks or offices. I will find out who comes into the office regularly. I hope that I will be able to put myself in an office environment with more student and staff interaction.
Knowing that community looks different is an important lesson and vital to me being able to enjoy and grow for the next few months in my position. Not every office has student interaction every day. And not ever office has desks together or offices. When looking for new jobs, those are things to keep in mind. I now know that my strengths are brought out when I'm connected to others, and though some days it is a challenge to feel comfortable in my position, I do know that things will and can change.
I have found myself quite challenged in that environment when it comes to community. There is a clear line dividing the clinical half of the office from the 'other' side, where I work. Often their doors are shut because they have students in their offices, or they are at meetings. We all work in offices, except the student employees and our office manager, but if we're all in our offices we don't see each other. It is sort of like working alone. Which is challenging because I live alone, so there is not a lot of interaction during the day.
The other challenge I find is that most students who come into the office don't really want to be there; they were written up for drinking in the dorms or have worse problems and need to see a counselor. So, I can't just walk out of my office and say hi to these students because of confidentiality reasons. This leaves me waiting for meetings with the group I advise or hoping they'll remember their one on one appointments.
I've always imagined a community as fun, changing and diverse. I know diversity differs in several ways, but we are an office of all white females. And, yes, sometimes there is music playing in the office, but that doesn't always make it fun.
For all of this, however, I have grown to learn that community looks differently in different places. There is some sort of community in the office, even if it's not one in which I feel like myself. I have decorated my office to make it feel mine, but I'm not a quiet person. I like being able to see people and interact. If I have learned anything, it is to be inquisitive with my next job about what community feels like in the office. I will look around to see if there are desks or offices. I will find out who comes into the office regularly. I hope that I will be able to put myself in an office environment with more student and staff interaction.
Knowing that community looks different is an important lesson and vital to me being able to enjoy and grow for the next few months in my position. Not every office has student interaction every day. And not ever office has desks together or offices. When looking for new jobs, those are things to keep in mind. I now know that my strengths are brought out when I'm connected to others, and though some days it is a challenge to feel comfortable in my position, I do know that things will and can change.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Body Image and Our Role
In the proper honor of #NEDAW11 (National Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2011), I felt a post about body image would be appropriate. How many of you know someone who is struggle with disordered eating or an eating disorder? You all better raise your hands! You might not be aware of it, but there is someone in your life (especially if your life involves college students) struggling daily with a battle that is classified as an addiction. Since starting my position at the Center for Health and Wellness Promotion, I have personally met with six students who are living with either an eating disorder or disordered eating. What's the difference, you ask? Eating disorders are diagnosed as Anorexia Nervosa, Binge Eating Disorder (BED), Bulimia Nervosa, and Obesity and/or Overweight. Disordered eating includes symptoms of any of these diseases, but not at such an extreme level. Counting calories, over exercising, binging, skipping meals, etc are just some of the 'lesser' symptoms of someone struggling with disordered eating. Basically, if what you're consuming (or not consuming) is a risk to your health, it's a problem. Back to those six students I've encountered since being here-three of them have been hospitalized numerous times for their disorders. Two of them show signs of disordered eating: stress causes them to eat more than they think they should, so they end up at the gym for several hours burning off those extra calories. One student is battling her body image and losing.
While I think all of those disorders are super important to learn about, and that there are numerous and varied reasons why they began and grew in the first place, I believe they are the end result of a long struggle against an image of what is considered beautiful. And that is where I write from today.
We, as Student Affairs Professionals, work with students on a daily basis: lots of students on some days. And sometimes lots of other professionals. We talk about the weather, the news, our departments, universities, etc. We gossip about each other (don't even try to deny it!), celebrities, what's in and what's out. The Oscar's are coming up and the Grammy's just passed. The only way to be nominated for a 'best-dressed' award is to show some skin (and look good doing it). Remember when Jennifer Hudson was...full figured? Me neither. But those incessant Jenny Craig commercial remind me that she must have been overweight once upon a time. How about Kelly Clarkson? She was the small town girl trying to make it as a singer on the first American Idol (what number are they on now, by the way?) The media is giving her a hard time because she's put weight on. I think she looks good, but I might be alone on that. Or Carrie Underwood? These are women who are supposed to be our idols and either they just keep losing weight, or they're under fire for putting some on. Of course, I'm not against people losing weight for their health or because they want to feel more comfortable with themselves, but if the media continues to throw images of diet pills, Nutrisystem and cellulite cream in our faces, what are we expected to think? 'Umm....I'm fat.' 'I want to look like those people who have been dieting.'
This is where I believe Student Affairs Professionals can really make a difference. We interact and meet with students constantly. Our students look up to us to make a difference in their lives whether or not they know it. Instead of, 'You look great today.' we could say something positive about that student's personality. We can also mirror this behavior with other staff members to encourage them to feel good about themselves. We can denounce stereo-types about beauty by making sure all types of beauty are represented in our offices and waiting areas. We can sit with students who are struggling and be that positive role model in multiple ways. Instead of gossiping about who looks good or bad in what outfits, say kind things. And this goes for you personally, too. I know if I eat a few pieces of chocolate, I get down on myself. It gets worse if I spend an entire day reading, watching television and playing on my computer. I immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm fat and lazy. Holding those images in my mind only encourage me to take that negative attitude into my work environment. If I call myself fat for having eaten 'too much' around someone who might be physically larger than myself, how would he/she feel? How would you feel? How have you felt in that situation?
It's time to take body image to a positive and loving place where everyone can appreciate who they are. As Lady Gaga says, 'I'm beautiful in my way cause God makes not mistakes.'
Saturday, February 19, 2011
To change GA positions or not to change?
It's the time of year when the first year graduate assistants of the University of San Diego have to decide whether or not they want to stay in their current position for the following year. This means (scary!!!) that we have to consider being a second year graduate assistant and what we have (or have not) gotten out of our roles up until this point. This phenomenon will be studied next year by a great friend and colleague of mine, @StephLLynch for her action research project, and she's asked me to take notes of my experience so I can aid her in research when the time comes.
This is the beginning of my thoughts, feelings, ideas, etc. I know that while I have gotten a lot out of my role at the Center for Health and Wellness Promotion, that I was not in my 'home.' Health is important to me, but in this role I am missing out on a lot of Student Affair-sy things that are happening because my department is not as well connected. I have been honest with my supervisor from the start so she was not surprised when I told her that I would be pursuing other options for my second year. She, nicely enough, is encouraging me to look for a new experience, her advice being, "It's not often that you can change positions easily and the more experience you can get now, the better." I think I am on that page, as well.
I decided to ask some other supervisors, peers and mentors their opinions on position changing to just make sure that I was making the best decision in an attempt to change. Here is a mix of their responses to my question:
~It's better to get depth than breadth.
~It's better to get breadth than depth.
~I would prefer not to have train someone each year.
~In a selfish way I want my GA to stay, but I understand that it's better for the student to find that fit. I know if I had a student who didn't fit well into the role, I would want him/her to have the option to switch.
~I think it's important to get the experience now and not to get 'pigeonholed' into one position.
~I encourage my students to seek out new options and experiences.
~In other GA roles it makes sense, but not for the GA role I oversee.
~Do what feels best for you.
As you can see, I received a variety of feedback, which left me feeling confused. I know people all have preferences, but at least try to be united in your response as a staff of GA supervisors. As a soon-to-be second year student, I feel unnerved that I might not get a position for which I apply because that supervisor would prefer a student who will stay with him/her for two years. I am looking for certain experiences, but I might not receive them if an incoming first year, who has similar experiences and skills to me, interviews for the position I want simply because it will make it easier for the supervisor not to lose me next year. I know that as a supervisor you do have to makes sacrifices by having GAs because that means you do not get trained staff for too long, but if you're going to have GAs, be fair to them.
Of course, with that said, I know there are several members of the supervisory team who would love to have a GA for just one year in order to share knowledge with them and give them experience. I've met with several supervisors who encourage that behavior, too. It is a challenge, however, to interview with someone who I know would prefer an incoming first year to me.
Those who are changing roles (two of the four in the first year cohort) are encouraged to chose up to as many as five role interests for next year, with the fifth one being your current position. I am interviewing for three positions: Assistant Community Director, Women's Center, Grad/Law Life. I have decided that I want to pursue Residence Life, at least for several years following my graduation. This is in part because that is where the hiring is, especially for entry level positions, and also because you get the most experience in 'everything' working in Res Life, which will transfer to other positions later in my career. Getting the ACD position would be a great stepping stone, though none of the positions would be a let-down.
Interview day for the incoming first years is March 7th, so I am expected to be done with my interviews by then. The supervisors do not make a decision until the end of March and we are hoping to find out where we are placed by the beginning of April. It's a long way away, which is a challenge because if I do not get the ACD position, I need to find a new apartment. It would be nice to find out sooner so I can start moving before the craziness that ensues towards the end of a semester of graduate school.
These are just some of the worries that are on my mind currently. I am excited about the prospective change, however. I enjoy mixing things up and getting new experiences, so I hope to find that with this role change. I'm also looking forward to meeting the potential new Student Affairs grads at the interview day in hopes that it can start a bond that will bring them to campus in August for training with a positive attitude and an excitement for what lies ahead.
This is the beginning of my thoughts, feelings, ideas, etc. I know that while I have gotten a lot out of my role at the Center for Health and Wellness Promotion, that I was not in my 'home.' Health is important to me, but in this role I am missing out on a lot of Student Affair-sy things that are happening because my department is not as well connected. I have been honest with my supervisor from the start so she was not surprised when I told her that I would be pursuing other options for my second year. She, nicely enough, is encouraging me to look for a new experience, her advice being, "It's not often that you can change positions easily and the more experience you can get now, the better." I think I am on that page, as well.
I decided to ask some other supervisors, peers and mentors their opinions on position changing to just make sure that I was making the best decision in an attempt to change. Here is a mix of their responses to my question:
~It's better to get depth than breadth.
~It's better to get breadth than depth.
~I would prefer not to have train someone each year.
~In a selfish way I want my GA to stay, but I understand that it's better for the student to find that fit. I know if I had a student who didn't fit well into the role, I would want him/her to have the option to switch.
~I think it's important to get the experience now and not to get 'pigeonholed' into one position.
~I encourage my students to seek out new options and experiences.
~In other GA roles it makes sense, but not for the GA role I oversee.
~Do what feels best for you.
As you can see, I received a variety of feedback, which left me feeling confused. I know people all have preferences, but at least try to be united in your response as a staff of GA supervisors. As a soon-to-be second year student, I feel unnerved that I might not get a position for which I apply because that supervisor would prefer a student who will stay with him/her for two years. I am looking for certain experiences, but I might not receive them if an incoming first year, who has similar experiences and skills to me, interviews for the position I want simply because it will make it easier for the supervisor not to lose me next year. I know that as a supervisor you do have to makes sacrifices by having GAs because that means you do not get trained staff for too long, but if you're going to have GAs, be fair to them.
Of course, with that said, I know there are several members of the supervisory team who would love to have a GA for just one year in order to share knowledge with them and give them experience. I've met with several supervisors who encourage that behavior, too. It is a challenge, however, to interview with someone who I know would prefer an incoming first year to me.
Those who are changing roles (two of the four in the first year cohort) are encouraged to chose up to as many as five role interests for next year, with the fifth one being your current position. I am interviewing for three positions: Assistant Community Director, Women's Center, Grad/Law Life. I have decided that I want to pursue Residence Life, at least for several years following my graduation. This is in part because that is where the hiring is, especially for entry level positions, and also because you get the most experience in 'everything' working in Res Life, which will transfer to other positions later in my career. Getting the ACD position would be a great stepping stone, though none of the positions would be a let-down.
Interview day for the incoming first years is March 7th, so I am expected to be done with my interviews by then. The supervisors do not make a decision until the end of March and we are hoping to find out where we are placed by the beginning of April. It's a long way away, which is a challenge because if I do not get the ACD position, I need to find a new apartment. It would be nice to find out sooner so I can start moving before the craziness that ensues towards the end of a semester of graduate school.
These are just some of the worries that are on my mind currently. I am excited about the prospective change, however. I enjoy mixing things up and getting new experiences, so I hope to find that with this role change. I'm also looking forward to meeting the potential new Student Affairs grads at the interview day in hopes that it can start a bond that will bring them to campus in August for training with a positive attitude and an excitement for what lies ahead.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
What have you done today that requires a degree in SA?
This question has been on my mind since it was posed at the NASPA Drive-In held at Chapman University last Friday, the 11th. I've been trying to make sure that each day I do something that is unique to the degree I'm pursuing in Student Affairs. I want it to be worth it. I'm spending my money and my time on tuition, at classes, doing homework and working with students, and it would be an unfortunate waste of my talent if I didn't do something each day that made my degree worth all of the work I am putting into it.
I began this semester with the goal of trying to be a better advisor. Being new to the advising scene with little guidance from those who preceded me, I had no idea what to expect. My current GA position is new to the Student Affairs cohort, so I spent last semester trying to get a feel for what the expectations were, which left my advising role on the back burner. I'm now more comfortable with the expectations of my GA position and am enjoying the challenges that come with it, but I feel that my connection with students is limited. So, I sent out a Doodle survey to my students to find out when they would be free for advising appointments.
I'm now only a week into my advising appointments, but I can feel a change. A change in myself and a change in the way they communicate with me. Through a colleague's action research project, I have a rubric to work with which helps me rank my student's levels of development and then track it as the semester continues. Obviously, this benefits @nkajimoto's research, but it also helps me understand where my student's are at developmentally so I can be the best advisor possible, (with room for plenty of growth).
Besides these wonderful advising appointments where I am connecting with and learning about the students, I'm also trying to make the weekly group meetings more meaningful. This week I focused on personal branding. I feel like the discussion, (or what felt like a lecture from me), was lost on them. They do not yet see the importance in making connections and networking. I understand how difficult it must be, especially as freshmen and sophomores, to see the importance of the impressions and connections they make now and how they will affect the future, but I do hope the information with which I provided them will start to take root and grow over the next few years. I know that, personally, I would have benefited a great deal from having some guidance in how to make positive and meaningful connections as an undergraduate student to members of the faculty and staff on my campus.
I was fortunate enough, however, to make a strong connection with my mentor, Mr. Art King, from my undergraduate alma mater, Towson University. He wrote the recommendation letter that led to my acceptance at the University of San Diego, as well as spoke to my current supervisor about how I shine as an employee and student. I also interviewed him for a project last semester and might do the same again this semester. As I explained this to my students, I could see two of them shaking their heads and smirking. Others were just staring off into the distance, disinterested. Maybe I should have presented the material in a different format. Maybe I felt like they were further along developmentally then they really were. Yet, I remember wanting to plan for my future early on in my undergraduate career even though I was not really sure what my future would look like. I knew graduate school was in the picture, and if not that, at least a job where I would need positive references and a strong foundation in something. I took advantage of leadership opportunities, especially ones at which I knew 'important' people would attend. I worked/volunteered for a few clubs and departments on campus, but became fully involved. I do not feel a commitment like that from my students and am concerned about them, but also about my ability to lead.
Though this blog has strayed slightly from it's title, I do believe it is all connected. As part of my attaining a degree in Higher Education Leadership, I attend classes that help me learn who I am and, by doing that, how I can help students. I am fortunate enough to be a part of a great cohort of 5 who consistently support me and listen to me. The faculty members with whom I work are amazing, talented and challenging. They force me out of my comfort zone to find out things like how do love and leadership connect? Or how does knowing myself help me to better understand my students and my line of work? I work with students in an attempt to develop them and through that I, too, develop. And that is how, everyday, I do things that require a degree in Student Affairs.
I began this semester with the goal of trying to be a better advisor. Being new to the advising scene with little guidance from those who preceded me, I had no idea what to expect. My current GA position is new to the Student Affairs cohort, so I spent last semester trying to get a feel for what the expectations were, which left my advising role on the back burner. I'm now more comfortable with the expectations of my GA position and am enjoying the challenges that come with it, but I feel that my connection with students is limited. So, I sent out a Doodle survey to my students to find out when they would be free for advising appointments.
I'm now only a week into my advising appointments, but I can feel a change. A change in myself and a change in the way they communicate with me. Through a colleague's action research project, I have a rubric to work with which helps me rank my student's levels of development and then track it as the semester continues. Obviously, this benefits @nkajimoto's research, but it also helps me understand where my student's are at developmentally so I can be the best advisor possible, (with room for plenty of growth).
Besides these wonderful advising appointments where I am connecting with and learning about the students, I'm also trying to make the weekly group meetings more meaningful. This week I focused on personal branding. I feel like the discussion, (or what felt like a lecture from me), was lost on them. They do not yet see the importance in making connections and networking. I understand how difficult it must be, especially as freshmen and sophomores, to see the importance of the impressions and connections they make now and how they will affect the future, but I do hope the information with which I provided them will start to take root and grow over the next few years. I know that, personally, I would have benefited a great deal from having some guidance in how to make positive and meaningful connections as an undergraduate student to members of the faculty and staff on my campus.
I was fortunate enough, however, to make a strong connection with my mentor, Mr. Art King, from my undergraduate alma mater, Towson University. He wrote the recommendation letter that led to my acceptance at the University of San Diego, as well as spoke to my current supervisor about how I shine as an employee and student. I also interviewed him for a project last semester and might do the same again this semester. As I explained this to my students, I could see two of them shaking their heads and smirking. Others were just staring off into the distance, disinterested. Maybe I should have presented the material in a different format. Maybe I felt like they were further along developmentally then they really were. Yet, I remember wanting to plan for my future early on in my undergraduate career even though I was not really sure what my future would look like. I knew graduate school was in the picture, and if not that, at least a job where I would need positive references and a strong foundation in something. I took advantage of leadership opportunities, especially ones at which I knew 'important' people would attend. I worked/volunteered for a few clubs and departments on campus, but became fully involved. I do not feel a commitment like that from my students and am concerned about them, but also about my ability to lead.
Though this blog has strayed slightly from it's title, I do believe it is all connected. As part of my attaining a degree in Higher Education Leadership, I attend classes that help me learn who I am and, by doing that, how I can help students. I am fortunate enough to be a part of a great cohort of 5 who consistently support me and listen to me. The faculty members with whom I work are amazing, talented and challenging. They force me out of my comfort zone to find out things like how do love and leadership connect? Or how does knowing myself help me to better understand my students and my line of work? I work with students in an attempt to develop them and through that I, too, develop. And that is how, everyday, I do things that require a degree in Student Affairs.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
One Word 2011: Faith
When my #sagrow mentor, Niki Rudolph, asked the #sachat community to come up with a one word intention for 2011, I had to take a long pause and think about it. The first word that popped into my mind was happiness, but as I thought about it, I knew that I was limiting myself and the potential this year could have for me. As I browsed through other's #oneword2011 choices, I realized that this community was serious, thus I needed to seriously think about energy I wanted to put out in the universe. Other words-joy, love, hope-floated through my mind, but none of them felt right. I knew that when I found the word that I was meant to use, I would feel it within me. Or, that the word was already within me and I just needed to get in touch with it.
Then, I received an email about a course I am taking this semester called, Of Love and Leadership. Included in this email was a brief description of the goals of the course, plus a question, (which I have yet to answer), and some books to read to get a better understanding of Love. I purchased one of the books right away and began reading. I found myself really grasping the concept of love with a goal of finding it within myself. So, I decided, it was the word love for me. But...I know I have love and I'm confident that through this course, I will learn how to bring it forth to be constant each and every day. That left me with nothing again.
I found myself thinking, 'what brought you this far?' 'what do you lack and struggle with on a daily basis?' It clicked! Faith. I was never raised with religion, but I have found myself creating my beliefs based on different things I learned up until this point. I met someone here, a mentor of sorts, who holds similar ideals and new ones, so I have created a bigger, stronger belief for myself. There is a lot of faith involved, and a lot of stones.
I am taking an extra course this semester because it looks so intriguing and I feel I can learn a lot from it. I know there will be a lot of work involved, but I have the faith that it will make a better person. I have been going through this Visa process so I can get married in August, but I have to have the faith that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to. Then, my partner will be here and our life is very much up in the air, but I have faith in the powers that be and in myself that we will be happy and will make our way with our life together. Another semester will begin and I have faith that it will be spectacular, or at least exactly what I need.
And that is how the story goes. There will be nothing that I cannot handle, even if it feels overwhelming. My faith will be what gets me through it and makes each day what it is. I'm content with, even happy, that my intention will manifest and grow in exactly the way it is meant to.
Happy 2011!
Then, I received an email about a course I am taking this semester called, Of Love and Leadership. Included in this email was a brief description of the goals of the course, plus a question, (which I have yet to answer), and some books to read to get a better understanding of Love. I purchased one of the books right away and began reading. I found myself really grasping the concept of love with a goal of finding it within myself. So, I decided, it was the word love for me. But...I know I have love and I'm confident that through this course, I will learn how to bring it forth to be constant each and every day. That left me with nothing again.
I found myself thinking, 'what brought you this far?' 'what do you lack and struggle with on a daily basis?' It clicked! Faith. I was never raised with religion, but I have found myself creating my beliefs based on different things I learned up until this point. I met someone here, a mentor of sorts, who holds similar ideals and new ones, so I have created a bigger, stronger belief for myself. There is a lot of faith involved, and a lot of stones.
I am taking an extra course this semester because it looks so intriguing and I feel I can learn a lot from it. I know there will be a lot of work involved, but I have the faith that it will make a better person. I have been going through this Visa process so I can get married in August, but I have to have the faith that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to. Then, my partner will be here and our life is very much up in the air, but I have faith in the powers that be and in myself that we will be happy and will make our way with our life together. Another semester will begin and I have faith that it will be spectacular, or at least exactly what I need.
And that is how the story goes. There will be nothing that I cannot handle, even if it feels overwhelming. My faith will be what gets me through it and makes each day what it is. I'm content with, even happy, that my intention will manifest and grow in exactly the way it is meant to.
Happy 2011!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
LEAD 550 and the Rest of My Life
I've been contemplating this blog post for several weeks now. I'm still not quite sure I'll be able to properly capture my feelings and ideas in it, but I'm willing to give it a try.
If you had asked me upon exiting my first LEAD 550 class whether or not I thought I would learn much, I would have laughed in your face and said something like, "Probably not, but it's an introductory course so there can't be much to really learn." Looking back, I'm not sure I could have been further from incorrect, but, in my defense, the class was unlike anything I could have ever anticipated. The class took place in a lecture hall with about 90 students. There were microphones so each session could be recorded and put online for reference. The professor, Dr. Monroe, warned us that it would be an experience unlike any we've had prior, but that's hard to understand that since you've never experienced it. And, honestly, it's hard to explain now to those who have never been a participant in the class. The goal of the class, in its own ways, is to learn different aspects of leadership and authority and how people demonstrate those aspects. Of course, that's just the beginning. You really take an internal trip, too, which for me is more scary than learning about how to lead, but intertwines with it.
The format of the class, if you want to call it that, consists of Dr. Monroe getting in front of the class and asking us how we would like start. Then, one student picks a topic that's on his/her mind and we run with it. The goal is to learn the different aspects of leadership and authority. I think of it sort of like a ship's crew. You have certain leaders who are at the helm, controlling the direction and flow of conversation, then those who watch for bad weather and try to see it as early as possible, calling it out. There are the few who 'walk the plank,' saying something so outlandish that no one is ready for and are 'assassinated' and never/rarely heard from again. There are deck hands who go around cleaning up the mess, smoothing things over and keeping some form of peace. And then there's the rest of the crew, silent, but vital to the journey's success. If that makes any sense to you, you're doing better than I was at four weeks in. Gold star for you!
So, as I said earlier, the first class was mind-boggling to me, but I attempted to stay open-minded. As the weeks dragged on, it felt like the conversation always reverted back to, 'what's the point?' and 'what's our goal?' By the fifth week of class, I went from trying to thinking it was all one big joke. During class I would slouch in my chair, joke with the people sitting around me and make thoughtless comments when speaking. During small group sessions, (the second part of class), I had a 'checked-out' mindset, believing there was nothing beneficial coming from any section of class. The large group conversations failed to hold my attention in that state and I just started hoping the end of the semester would arrive quickly.
I remember the class that changed my perspective. I was sitting all the way at the top, goofing off with the students around me. I was still in that state of mind and had no real purpose in that class other than attendance, in my opinion. For her reasons, Dr. Monroe was more engaged in class dialog that day, having conversations with students, which was not her norm up until that point. The topic for the evening was 'meaningful interventions' and suddenly I was engaged. I had discovered, (but had always known), that I had trouble communicating messages. It suddenly occurred to me that I could not clearly or effectively deliver my thoughts or feelings without dancing around the issue and then my point was lost on the receiving end. I began to listen to the conversations Dr. Monroe was having with students about feeling activated and the different ways to make interventions useful and intentional. Up until then, and pointed out kindly by my T.A., I was stuck in a style. I decided to bring it up because I was feeling activated and I was also a little angry about that comment my T.A. left me. He did not explain it any further, nor did I believe him, so I thought I would see what Dr. Monroe had to say on the issue.
I began my intervention by saying that I had received this comment on my homework assignment from the previous week. Dr. Monroe acknowledged that she recognized this regarding me and my previous interventions. After going back and forth a bit--Dr. Monroe, other students, myself and then Dr. Monroe again--we came to a point where I made a useless intervention. Of course, it was not useless and Dr. Monroe used me as an example. She said something like, "Instead of questioning and digging for an answer or an 'ah-ha', giving the specific example in my mind would be stronger." I tried that out and suddenly I felt like I had a shiny new weapon in an arsenal of primitive equipment. I realized that, although sometimes useful, my way of advising students and speaking to bosses or advisors seemed...ineffective. This was going to change the way I was able to get things done.
After that class, I had a new plan and new intentions. I was going to practice using my new weapon. It took a lot of courage to open up and use personal examples to make these interventions, but I knew the benefits would be immense. Once I learned how to intervene more effectively, another door opened: staying present and connecting with those things that pulled me away from the moment. In the classroom, it became easier to stay in touch with what was happening around me and inside of me. I was becoming more aware of the feeling of activation and quickly organizing my thoughts into useful interventions. By the end of the semester, I felt comfortable with my practice arena and the progress I had made. Even my T.A. commented on the differences he saw. I felt accomplished, but ready to be done with 550.
(PS-there are huge chunks of information that I learned that I've left out to make this semi-readable. There are other valuable and important lessons that came from this class, but it just does not all fit into a blog!)
Well, being done with 550 is a joke. There is no done, as I quickly discovered. In each and every conversation I have had since that class I have become so much more aware of how I present my interventions. I found myself in situations where I was measuring and discovering people's tolerance and comfort levels for the anxiety I created. I have been thinking through things I am going to say to make sure I am sending the right message and lesson. I am more patient with the idea that people will NOT change their long held beliefs overnight just because I think I am saying something Earth-shattering. I calculate the pros and cons of things so much quicker in my head--heck, I even think to calculate pros and cons before speaking. I just cannot describe how different I feel and how successful I believe some of my more 'life-altering' conversations go.
LEAD 550 has changed my life. I know that sounds cheesy and I know that some of my peers who took that class will read this and think, "she really did drink the kool-aid." Well friends, I did. And it was delicious and I intend to take it with me as I continue on my journey through life. I see its importance and I appreciate how different I am; how much I have grown in four months. I am told by others who have been working on it much longer than I that there is more to learn and deeper depths to explore. I look forward to it.
If you had asked me upon exiting my first LEAD 550 class whether or not I thought I would learn much, I would have laughed in your face and said something like, "Probably not, but it's an introductory course so there can't be much to really learn." Looking back, I'm not sure I could have been further from incorrect, but, in my defense, the class was unlike anything I could have ever anticipated. The class took place in a lecture hall with about 90 students. There were microphones so each session could be recorded and put online for reference. The professor, Dr. Monroe, warned us that it would be an experience unlike any we've had prior, but that's hard to understand that since you've never experienced it. And, honestly, it's hard to explain now to those who have never been a participant in the class. The goal of the class, in its own ways, is to learn different aspects of leadership and authority and how people demonstrate those aspects. Of course, that's just the beginning. You really take an internal trip, too, which for me is more scary than learning about how to lead, but intertwines with it.
The format of the class, if you want to call it that, consists of Dr. Monroe getting in front of the class and asking us how we would like start. Then, one student picks a topic that's on his/her mind and we run with it. The goal is to learn the different aspects of leadership and authority. I think of it sort of like a ship's crew. You have certain leaders who are at the helm, controlling the direction and flow of conversation, then those who watch for bad weather and try to see it as early as possible, calling it out. There are the few who 'walk the plank,' saying something so outlandish that no one is ready for and are 'assassinated' and never/rarely heard from again. There are deck hands who go around cleaning up the mess, smoothing things over and keeping some form of peace. And then there's the rest of the crew, silent, but vital to the journey's success. If that makes any sense to you, you're doing better than I was at four weeks in. Gold star for you!
So, as I said earlier, the first class was mind-boggling to me, but I attempted to stay open-minded. As the weeks dragged on, it felt like the conversation always reverted back to, 'what's the point?' and 'what's our goal?' By the fifth week of class, I went from trying to thinking it was all one big joke. During class I would slouch in my chair, joke with the people sitting around me and make thoughtless comments when speaking. During small group sessions, (the second part of class), I had a 'checked-out' mindset, believing there was nothing beneficial coming from any section of class. The large group conversations failed to hold my attention in that state and I just started hoping the end of the semester would arrive quickly.
I remember the class that changed my perspective. I was sitting all the way at the top, goofing off with the students around me. I was still in that state of mind and had no real purpose in that class other than attendance, in my opinion. For her reasons, Dr. Monroe was more engaged in class dialog that day, having conversations with students, which was not her norm up until that point. The topic for the evening was 'meaningful interventions' and suddenly I was engaged. I had discovered, (but had always known), that I had trouble communicating messages. It suddenly occurred to me that I could not clearly or effectively deliver my thoughts or feelings without dancing around the issue and then my point was lost on the receiving end. I began to listen to the conversations Dr. Monroe was having with students about feeling activated and the different ways to make interventions useful and intentional. Up until then, and pointed out kindly by my T.A., I was stuck in a style. I decided to bring it up because I was feeling activated and I was also a little angry about that comment my T.A. left me. He did not explain it any further, nor did I believe him, so I thought I would see what Dr. Monroe had to say on the issue.
I began my intervention by saying that I had received this comment on my homework assignment from the previous week. Dr. Monroe acknowledged that she recognized this regarding me and my previous interventions. After going back and forth a bit--Dr. Monroe, other students, myself and then Dr. Monroe again--we came to a point where I made a useless intervention. Of course, it was not useless and Dr. Monroe used me as an example. She said something like, "Instead of questioning and digging for an answer or an 'ah-ha', giving the specific example in my mind would be stronger." I tried that out and suddenly I felt like I had a shiny new weapon in an arsenal of primitive equipment. I realized that, although sometimes useful, my way of advising students and speaking to bosses or advisors seemed...ineffective. This was going to change the way I was able to get things done.
After that class, I had a new plan and new intentions. I was going to practice using my new weapon. It took a lot of courage to open up and use personal examples to make these interventions, but I knew the benefits would be immense. Once I learned how to intervene more effectively, another door opened: staying present and connecting with those things that pulled me away from the moment. In the classroom, it became easier to stay in touch with what was happening around me and inside of me. I was becoming more aware of the feeling of activation and quickly organizing my thoughts into useful interventions. By the end of the semester, I felt comfortable with my practice arena and the progress I had made. Even my T.A. commented on the differences he saw. I felt accomplished, but ready to be done with 550.
(PS-there are huge chunks of information that I learned that I've left out to make this semi-readable. There are other valuable and important lessons that came from this class, but it just does not all fit into a blog!)
Well, being done with 550 is a joke. There is no done, as I quickly discovered. In each and every conversation I have had since that class I have become so much more aware of how I present my interventions. I found myself in situations where I was measuring and discovering people's tolerance and comfort levels for the anxiety I created. I have been thinking through things I am going to say to make sure I am sending the right message and lesson. I am more patient with the idea that people will NOT change their long held beliefs overnight just because I think I am saying something Earth-shattering. I calculate the pros and cons of things so much quicker in my head--heck, I even think to calculate pros and cons before speaking. I just cannot describe how different I feel and how successful I believe some of my more 'life-altering' conversations go.
LEAD 550 has changed my life. I know that sounds cheesy and I know that some of my peers who took that class will read this and think, "she really did drink the kool-aid." Well friends, I did. And it was delicious and I intend to take it with me as I continue on my journey through life. I see its importance and I appreciate how different I am; how much I have grown in four months. I am told by others who have been working on it much longer than I that there is more to learn and deeper depths to explore. I look forward to it.
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