Phrases We Don't Use Enough

So, as my first year of graduate school and a graduate assistantship comes to an end, I reflect on the things I didn't say. And the things I didn't hear enough within my communities. It is so important to understand why we don't say these things; what is reflected by the unspoken thoughts and/or words. What pieces of our shadows are too proud/scared/unsure/powerful/shy/etc. to partner spoken words with conscious and unconscious thoughts. Being aware is the first step to making a change.

"No" This is a tricky one, especially as graduate students. We want to go out and be with our friends, while balancing a full class load, while doing work as graduate assistants. We want to sit on as many committees as possible to ensure we're getting enough experiences. We want to see our friends and relax. We want to do the best we can in our classes. At some point, the cup will overflow and then bad things start to happen. But, I know, saying 'no' sounds bad. Like we can't handle it and how will we ever handle this stuff full time? And if our supervisors think we can handle it, knowing what's on our plates, shouldn't we be able to take it on? Not always. Perhaps supervisors can take on a deeper knowledge of what's going on in our lives and know when to say 'no' for us? Some supervisors can do that, others tend to not notice. That's why it is important to be aware of your own stress level. It's okay to say 'no.'

"Please" Sure, you're my supervisor and I kind of have to do what you ask of me, but adding the word 'please' encourages me to do it with a smile. It also allows us to know you appreciate our help. Even if it's copying papers or filing documents. As graduate students, perhaps we don't say that enough to each other or our supervisors, either. 'Can you read this over for me?' ....please. It subtly changes the tone of the sentence. You don't have to do this for me, but I'd appreciate it. And I appreciate the time you're taking out of your day to help me. Expecting us to do things is an unfair use of power. Asking us kindly to do them is a gift you can offer us. Which leads me to...

"Thank you" My mother always told me to mind my p's and....thank you's. Another simple one that gets overlooked all too often. It sets up the environment in which we all work. Even if I'm only grabbing you a coffee, say 'thank you.' It's nice to be recognized for doing something, even if we're expected to do it. It's a bookend (with 'please' being the other end) to an experience. And important in keeping things together and keeping people motivated. GAs also need to keep in mind how important it is to thank their supervisors. They do a lot for us. Answer a lot of questions. The same goes for peers. We are all in this together.

"I need help" This comes from all levels and areas. Sometimes something is overwhelming. Or you get sick and can't get to something. Or there's a student who is particularly difficult. Or you've taken on too much. Or a last minute assignment came up. There are a lot of 'or' situations here.  No matter what your 'or' is, it's a good thing to ask for help. It will reduce your stress. Other people have really good advice and are generally more than willing to share it with you. You just have to ask. Creating a space where there's an attitude of "I've got your back" is really what can make or break an experience/office/community. 

"Great job" I've come to find the lack of this exists in the 'real world' and it annoys me. That might be from having a personality that craves reassurance; but, I think many people can benefit from it. This goes with expectations. We're grad students thus, we should hand it great papers/projects and plan great events. Or mentor with ease. Sometimes, though, it's just nice to hear that other people are noticing your greatness. Some offices have awards given to graduate assistants who excel at a particular program. I've seen supervisors recognize their grads via social networking sites. All of those things are great! It just needs to become more consistent. I know it makes all of us smile! And we, as grad assistants, need to return the favor to those around us (supervisors/faculty/staff included) who are doing exceptional things!

"I would like more responsibility" Though this is a little more personal, I have had some recent conversations that make me think I'm not alone. While it's great to have us making brochures and copying paperwork, there are times when we want more! Yeah, I'll sit on a committee, but I don't want to be a fly on the wall. I want to get involved in planning! And I don't mean the one who is making room reservations, but the one who is building the agenda or creating a presentation. We're not getting too much practical experience as the ones who take notes and then emails the rest of the committee. I did that as the secretary of my undergraduate club. While it's great to be present, sometimes it's necessary to expand presence to participation. As grad assistants, we often look to our supervisors for that nod of approval that it's okay for us to do more. If our confidence isn't built up, then we don't always make the first move. Both GAs and supervisors have to work on being more conscious of when more responsibility is needed and when the plate is full.

"Here's my idea" Crazy, but as GAs, we sometimes have really good ideas. And we know it. And we talk to each other about these great ideas, but we never communicate these ideas to those who can make them happen. Going back to the previous paragraph, we sometimes sit on committees and think we can totally do something better; yet, we know we're just grad assistants so no one will appreciate our thoughts. Where did this thinking come from? We are just grad assistants and our ideas are relevant. We're often living our ideas in the moment. A confidence boost or encouragement might call those ideas forward. A little belief in our capabilities and we could bring about change.

These are just some of the phrases that represent larger issues that come from within. Within our systems (of oppression?) and within ourselves. With these thoughts come the need for change from all sides. From GAs and their experiences, from supervisors and their expectations, and from the Student Affairs world and its structure. The shadows that we all hold mold how we lead, when we speak up, if and how we ask for help. Examining how we work in the world is an important step to changing it.