To Author One's Life

I had the pleasure of attending Marcia Baxter Magolda's presentation on Thursday morning.  She really seems to know what she's talking about when it comes to student development and how it relates to student affairs and our journey as higher education professionals.
I know I won't do her justice as I attempt to put the pieces together, so I do apologize for that.  I found it interesting, and true, that what we expect from students is generally over their heads.  It seems as though we're asking them to process information at a level to which they have yet to develop.  This means to me that in classes we're asking students to think at an internal level when we have yet to teach them how to function (and break out of) within the system we create in higher education.  In other words, we've structured this faulty system in which students are required to function in order to get good grades, we don't ever once challenge their concepts of this system, but then we expect deep, meaningful work and thought processes from students.  Why should they do that for us if all they need to do is XYZ to obtain an A in class?  Crazy, right?
I find this applies to office in which I work.  Students, for the most part, come into the Center for Health and Wellness Promotion because the system tells them they have to.  Whether they're at high risk for alcohol and drug use, or just caught at a dorm party, there are certain steps they have to take in order to get back in good standings with USD.  So, in they come (those caught at a party), they sit through a class, and generally that's it.  But then we feel like we're not reaching the majority of students and, of course we're not!!  They just want to work the system!  They're not going to get an epiphany sitting in the required alcohol class!!  They're not there yet developmentally because we, as higher education professionals, have not provided them with learning partnership that will get them there.
So, I look back on my days as an undergrad and think, what opportunities were provided to me that enabled me to leave one stage of development and enter another (along Marcia's stages)?  Or, have I ever really left a stage?  I know that I still sometimes look at a class and wonder, "What do I have to do obtain an A?"  Reverting back to that thinking is easy, especially since I've been out of school for three years.  My undergrad professors never pushed me to the point of letting go of the system, but, as an English major, I found myself pushing the envelope intentionally in classes just because technically, if you have evidence to back it up, you can't be wrong.  So, if I have left that stage and moved to the intermediate stage at some point, what did that look like?  Ah yes, the part where nothing mattered because facts are manipulated and life is all up in the air.  I experienced this towards the end of my undergraduate career.  Not only were my thoughts lost, so were my actions.  I was...like a balloon floating towards the clouds.  If the wind blew me one way, that's the way I'd go.  I did manage to finish school with strong grades, but internally I was a disaster.  I showed this by gaining weight and doing things uncharacteristic of what I now consider to be myself.
I still feel like I'm in a struggle with the end of the intermediate stage and the advanced stage.  The advanced stage is all internal.  It's about creating one's own mind, thoughts and feelings regardless of the outside world and its' influences.  It's also about accepting other's opinions even if you disagree, but still keeping them in your life.  I feel that some of that I've dealt with better than others.  I'm not much for my internal, mushy mess, which is evident in the way I address my feelings.  I find myself explaining situations in which I'm hurt, sad, angry, happy, etc, but never going into what about those situation makes me feel a certain way.  It's a way for me to avoid how I really feel.  I'm working on finding those feelings and addressing them in LEAD 550.  I am pretty good at noticing others, but I fail to place myself within the emotional mix.  It's not something I'm completely comfortable with and is, perhaps, an adaptive challenge I've spent a decent time avoiding.
With all this said, I look at the few students who I advise and try to place them somewhere in the mix of the student development continuum.  They are certainly in a variety of places in their lives personally, which creates an interesting developmental pattern.  I hope to continue to learn about how I can help and influence them in the right ways to get them to become aware of who they and aid them towards finding their internal voice, or as Marcia calls it, authoring their own life, (and, who knows, maybe I'll be able to find mine, too!).